Invalid Corps

I wanted much to go to war
 And went to be examined
 The surgeon looked me o'er and o'er
 My back and chest he hammered
 Said he, "You're not the man for me
 Your lungs are much affected
 And likewise both your eyes are cock'd
 And otherwise defected"
 So, now I'm with the Invalids
 And cannot go and fight, sir!
 The doctor told me so, you know
 Of course it must be right, sir!
 While I was there a host of chaps
 For reasons were exempted
 Old "pursy", he was laid aside
 To pass he had attempted
 The doctor said, "I do not like
 Your corporosity, sir!
 You'll "breed a famine" in the camp
 Wherever you might be, sir!"
 So, now I'm with the Invalids
 And cannot go and fight, sir!
 The doctor told him so, you know
 Of course it must be right, sir!
 There came a fellow, mighty tall
 A "knock-kneed overgrowner"
 The doctor said, "I ain't got no time
 To take and look you over"
 Next came along a little chap
 Who stood about two foot nothing
 The doctor said, "You'd better go
 And tell your mommy you are coming!"
 So, now they're with the Invalids
 And cannot go and fight, sir!
 The doctor told them so, you know
 Of course it must be right, sir!
 Some had the ticerdolerreou
 Some what they call "brown critters"
 And some were "lank and lazy" too
 And some too "fond of bitters"
 Some had "flag legs" and one "one eye"
 Their backs were tall and crooked
 You would have laugh'd till you had died
 To see how "cute" they looked
 And now they're with the Invalids
 And cannot go and fight, sir!
 The doctor told them so, you know
 Of course it must be right, sir!