Hail to Thee, Fat Person

Hail To Thee, Fat Person
 I would like to explain how it came to pass that I got fat.
 Ladies and gentlemen, I got fat as a public service.
 When I was a child, my mother said to me,
 "Clean the plate, because children are starving in Europe."
 And I might point out that that was years before the Marshall Plan
 was ever heard of.
 So I would clean the plate, four, five, six times a day.
 Because somehow I felt that that would keep the children from starving
 in Europe.
 But I was wrong. They kept starving. And I got fat.
 So I would like to say to every one of you who is either skinny
 or in some other way normal--
 When you walk out on the street, and you see a fat person,
 Do not scoff at that fat person. Oh no!
 Take off your hat. Hold it over your heart.
 Lift your chin up high. And in a proud, happy voice say to him,
 "Hail to thee, fat person!
 You kept us out of war