Mungojerrie And Rumpelteazer

The greatest magicians have something to learn
 From Mister Mistoffelees' conjuring turn
 Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer were a notorious couple of cats
 As knockabout clowns
 Quick-change comedians
 Tight-rope walkers and acrobats
 They had an extensive reputation
 They made their home in Victoria Grove
 That was merely their centre of operation
 For they were incurably given to rove
 If the area window was found ajar
 And the basement looked like a field of war
 If a tile or two came loose on the roof
 Which presently ceased to be waterproof
 If the drawers were pulled out from the bedroom chests
 And you couldn't find one of your winter vests
 Or after supper one of the girls
 Suddenly missed her Woolworth pearls
 Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat
 It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer"
 And most of the time
 They left it at that
 ♪
 Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had an unusual gift of the gab
 They were highly efficient cat burglars as well
 And remarkably smart at a smash and grab
 They made their home in Victoria Grove
 They had no regular occupation
 They were plausible fellows
 Who liked to engage
 A friendly policeman in conversation
 When the family assembled for Sunday dinner
 Their minds made up that they wouldn't get thinner on
 Argentine joint, potatoes and greens
 Then the cook would appear from behind the scenes
 And say in a voice that was broken with sorrow
 "I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow
 The joint has gone from the oven like that!"
 Then the family would say, "It's that horrible cat
 It was Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer"
 And most of the time
 They left it at that
 Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer had a wonderful way of working together
 And some of the time you would say it was luck
 And some of the time you would say it was weather
 They'd go through the house like a hurricane
 And no sober person could take his oath
 Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer?
 Or could you have sworn that it might have been both?
 And when you heard a dining room smash
 Or up from the pantry there came a loud crash
 Or down from the library came a loud ping
 From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming
 Then the family would say, "Now which was which cat?
 It was Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer
 And there's nothing at all to be done about that"
 ♪
 And there's nothing at all to be done about that