The Houseplant Song - Underdog Album Version

Once I read a book
 And this is what it said
 If your music has a beat
 Then you're gonna wind up dead
 It doesn't really matter if
 It's Christian or not
 If it's syncopated rhythm
 Then your soul is gonna rot
 And this book was called
 "Ha' you're gonna burn"
 And in the second chapter
 I went on to learn
 Take two houseplants
 And put them to the test
 Set them both in front of speakers
 And let the music do the rest
 The first one you play Mozart
 Or somethin' lovely like that
 The second one you play that
 Petra or that Megadeth
 Doesn't really matter
 What kind of rock it is
 So I took my two houseplants
 And I put them to the test
 Set them both in front of speakers
 To let the music do the rest
 I powered up my Pioneers
 To let the music roar
 But twenty minutes later
 Someone's knockin' at my door
 I opened up the door
 And there may neighbor stood
 He said, "Man, I'd like to get
 Some sleep if you think I could"
 I said, "Man, can't you see here
 I've got this moral dilemma that
 I have got to get clear"
 He said, "What kind of moral
 Dilemma could you have at this
 Time of night that could make me
 So angry that I just wanna fight"
 Sorry, so I pointed to the page
 In that open book
 That had a pictured of a potted plant
 And I said, "Go have a look", and he read
 Take two houseplants
 And put them to the test
 Set them both in front of speakers
 And let the music do the rest
 The first one you play Mozart
 Or somethin' lovely like that
 The second one you play that
 Petra or that Megadeth
 Doesn't really matter
 What kind of rock it is
 "First of all," he said
 "That's Wagner that you're playin'
 I've never heard of Petra
 And isn't Megadeth all dead
 And secondly, emphatically
 He asked me, "What's the sense
 Of hangin' out with houseplants
 When, hey, I live right across the fence"
 And I thought to myself
 You know, that's a good point
 So I took my two houseplants
 And I put them both back outside
 And me and my neighbor
 Well, we went out for a drive
 We talked about all the things
 That really matter most
 Like life and love and happiness
 And then the holy ghost
 And now my two houseplants
 They sit out in the sun
 And as for my neighbor
 Well our friendship has become
 A meaningful relationship
 That's headed straight to Heaven
 But as for now, we like to sit around and listen
 To Audio Adrenaline, cranked to eleven