Seven Drunken Nights

As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be
 I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be
 Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
 Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be?
 Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
 So drunk you can not see
 That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
 Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
 But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before
 And as I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be
 I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be
 Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
 Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be
 Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
 So drunk you can not see
 That's a wool blanket that me mother sent to me
 Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
 But buttons in a blanket sure I never saw before
 And as I went home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk could be
 I saw a pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be
 Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
 Who owns that pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should be
 Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
 So drunk you can not see
 That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me
 Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
 But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before
 And as I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk could be
 I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be
 Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
 Who owns them boots beneath the bed where my old boots should be
 Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
 So drunk you can not see
 They're two lovely Geranium pots me mother sent to me
 Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
 But laces in Geranium pots I never saw before
 And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk could be
 I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be
 Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
 Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be
 Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
 So drunk you can not see
 That's a baby boy that me mother sent to me
 Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
 But a baby boy with his whiskers on sure I never saw before
 And as I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk could be
 I saw two hands upon her breasts where my old hands should be
 Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
 Who owns them hands upon your breasts where my old hands should be
 Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
 So drunk you can not see
 That's a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me
 Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
 But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before
 As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could be
 I saw a lad sneaking out the back, a quarter after three.
 Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
 Who was that lad sneaking out the back a quarter after three?
 Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool,
 So drunk you can not see
 That was just the tax man that the Queen she sent to me.
 Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or more
 But an Englishman who can last till three I've never seen before