I've Told Myself a Thousand Times

another minute into this position
 not so strong spiral down
 doesn't seem to be a reason
 not to fold let go,
 release the hold on vanity
 you're not just killing time
 staring at the faces betraying your own basis
 can't sleep when discouragement's withdrawn
 from all conscious remedies
 stop pushing accept what you've been given
 seems like you're trying for nothing
 should know it won't work out always chasing
 a distraction all your efforts
 no reaction afraid to shed disguise
 to reveal your fragile lies
 you're caught in the promise that everything's alright
 but not convinced that standards will be recognized
 sifting through the doubting hoping
 to validate lost time