The Absolute

Running away from everything I fear
 And I wonder how I ended up here
 I don't deserve pity, and I don't deserve you
 I've left myself down in the dark
 With a tendency or curse of breaking hearts
 I've tried my best but it's no better than my worst
 What kind of man do you think that I am?
 How do I make you feel when I'm around
 Do you drown?
 Or do you hold onto the higher ground that I can't seem to find
 What do you do when you catch yourself living a lie
 I've found myself pretending everything is fine
 To give in and give up, or to adjust and suit
 Believe me, that is the question, the absolute
 Bury me
 Carry me
 But I don't want to have your sympathy
 My misery will forever make me hold the knife so close, but I will never push
 Because that's when it will make it all real
 I've let myself down again
 What do you do when you catch yourself living a lie
 I've found myself pretending everything is fine
 To give in and give up, or to adjust and suit
 Believe me, that is the question, the absolute
 I never thought I would end up here
 I was so hard on myself but I was always clear
 It feels like years since I have felt content
 What does that make me?
 What does that make me?
 Lay me down