Never Split The Party

(I know I had a dungeon master screen here somewhere)
 (Who has my glow-in-the-dark 20-sided?)
 (Hey, I can't find my character sheet, where's my character- oh, there it is)
 (That's my beer, you're going to have to roll a saving throw)
 (It's here with the Cheetos)
 (If I catch somebody looking at my dungeon master screen, more than dice are gonna roll)
 (I know I gave it to somebody over here and I didn't get it back)
 (You, roll for initiative)
 (I can't roll)
 (Eugh! Now it's got yellow on it)
 We were skulking through this dungeon, a mighty sorry lot
 Old Galliard the fighter had been actin' like a sot
 Our cleric had colitis, our torches all were wet (uh oh)
 But we had to find some treasure soon to get us out of debt
 (Alright, who had the damn lobster bisque?)
 So Galliard and Sonja were itchin' for a fight (c'mere!)
 They both took the left fork, while we went to the right
 And that is when we heard it, the sound of rollin' dice
 We wondered why we had ignored those words of sage advice
 (Two words: diversified portfolios)
 Don't you know? You never split the party
 Clerics in the back keep those fighters hale and hearty
 The wizard in the middle, where he can shed some light
 And you never let that damn thief out of sight
 So then we heard this bellow (ow!) from back around the bend
 We turned around to see if there was aid that we could lend
 And suddenly the corridor was covered up with orcs
 We fell back in a panic feeling like a bunch of dorks
 (All of my dice are cubic zirconia)
 The thief had pissed his leathers (no) our monk was turning blue
 Our wizard got all flustered and he covered us with goo
 The cleric swung his holy club some orcish skulls to break
 We tried to dodge his backswing as we pondered our mistake
 Don't you know? You never split the party
 Clerics in the back keep those fighters hale and hearty
 The wizard in the middle, where he can shed some light
 And you never let that damn thief out of sight
 We finally found our fighters, they were hacking at a troll
 They chopped off knees and elbows, but it kept on growing whole
 Our wizard flung a fireball, his dice they did not fail
 He torched that troll and left our fighters roasting in their mail
 The cleric had his hands full, apologies were said (I'm sorry)
 We swore an oath we'd stick together just like we were wed (yes, dear)
 But then we found that sneaky thief had vanished in the gloom
 We caught him stuffing pockets in the secret treasure room (hehehe, I'm in politics)
 Don't you know? You never split the party
 Clerics in the back keep those fighters hale and hearty
 The wizard in the middle, where he can shed some light
 And you never let that damn thief out of sight
 Don't you know? You never split the party
 Clerics in the back keep those fighters hale and hearty
 The wizard in the middle, where he can shed some light
 And you never let that damn thief
 You never let that damn thief
 You never let that damn thief out of sight