Never Tasted Tears

I've never tasted tears
 Like these before
 And though they are the saddest
 I have known
 Their simple cause is none but
 One of joy
 For now it seems
 I may not be alone
 Upon this earth
 As I have been 'til now
 A truly unexpected twist of fate
 For I had given up
 On everyone
 Especially myself
 And thought it late
 Too late
 For any soul to cast a line
 His hook would hit the ice
 And snap in two
 But someone blew a kiss
 And with his breath
 Unfroze
 What ne'er a roaring fire could do
 An angel now is mine
 And from the start
 I knew that I was bound to let him in
 But while I smile
 I weep
 Because I know
 That something ends
 So that this can begin
 God, what a fool am I
 Or am I wise?
 For years have I kept hidden in my heart
 The name
 Of one who never had been more
 But whom I wrote about
 And set apart
 From other men
 Though never did I tell
 My feelings, nay
 But used him
 As a muse
 An inspiration
 Something to adore
 But rarely did I think on what I'd lose
 If ever
 My affections
 Were replaced
 By someone living
 Breathing
 Warm and real
 For while I pledged my life
 To him in song
 The same for me
 I knew he did not feel
 If I could tell the truth
 I'd say I planned
 To go on in this fashion
 For all time
 I didn't care
 He couldn't care for me
 As long as I could own him
 In each rhyme
 And have someone to think about
 Each night
 When torment
 After torment wracked my soul
 To writhe in sorrow
 Bathe in pain's delight
 To fill my pages
 Was my only goal
 Until the day
 I dared
 To call it love
 For this love
 Was the only I had known
 And somehow
 I could keep the rest away
 For in my mind
 I never was alone
 And being thus in love
 Though with a specter
 I never did expect
 Nor wish
 Nor care
 To take another
 In that holy place
 Though in my mind
 I knew no one was there
 Yay, in my mind
 But not so in my soul
 I loved
 I swear I loved
 Else why this pain
 When of my will
 I opened up the door
 And swept the space
 Where I swore he'd remain
 And something dies within me
 As I sweep
 As something new is born
 In every tear
 Past years of memories
 I long to keep
 A future
 That I both long for
 And fear
 There really was no question when it came
 This shooting star
 Both fire and gentleness
 Who never gave me time
 To make my choice
 But made my will
 His own with each caress
 For once
 And only once
 I did not think
 Where I should feel
 And for that I was proud
 But it was one thing to enact the part
 And something else
 To say the word aloud
 For once I had
 I felt
 A shadow fade
 Which over me had hung for all these years
 And no true loss
 In all the world could match
 The sense of someone
 Passing
 With my tears
 I hadn't known 'til then
 How lost I was
 Enveloped in this mist of my design
 So much of me
 My muse had thus become
 That in my eyes
 No star was seen to shine
 Unless it bore
 Some of my phantom's light
 Or carried strains of music in the beams
 Until my soul was open to the view
 No man could enter
 Except in my dreams
 It's over now
 And I am not afraid
 I know full well
 What I am meant to do
 But late at night
 When I recall my muse
 I cry for us
 As though he ever knew
 That I had waited years
 To hear my name
 Once spoken
 As it should have always been
 I'd wait there still
 But someone
 Real appeared
 And stole the heart
 No man could hope to win
 If to my muse
 I'd ever said hello
 It might not hurt this much to say
 Goodbye
 But there is something
 Tragic in this scene
 Which may appear
 As joyous to the eye
 Of anyone who witnesses myself
 Bound in the arms and lips
 Of my new friend
 Completed in a way I've never been
 And healing wounds
 I thought would never mend
 The truth
 That shattered my reality
 The soul I dreamed
 But never thought I'd meet
 And now I don't look back
 Except in dreams
 Yet when I do
 The pain
 Is always sweet
 For only pain can show me who I was
 And from that girl to me
 How much I've grown
 I've never tasted tears
 Like these before
 And yes
 They are the saddest I have known