No Compute

Ah, I awakened from a wet dream in which I was wetless
 My imagination could no longer take me there
 So I slid into my copping haberdashery
 And gave into the original jones: sex
 Now my sexy jones was below sea level
 The hornies occupied my being
 I was at that stage where most men would say
 "Hey ho, it's your life or your legs"
 but I was cooler than that
 She said, "No compute".
 I spotted a lady who was also on the prowl
 I could tell by her makeup
 plus the scent was there
 So I sashayed over to her and, uh
 Spoke of my plan
 She screamed and said, "Are you asking to make love to me?"
 I said, "Is pig what's in pork?
 Or are you gonna play hard
 after all the trouble you went through to get chosen?"
 She said, ah, "No compute".
 Finally, she said, "Uh, I could, uh, probably go for what you're talking about
 But it's really about my birth control pills."
 I said, "All looks are not alike, all holes are not a crack."
 When in doubt vamp, or at least ad-lib
 "And of course, you know, spit don't make babies."
 She smiled and said, "No compute".
 But I could tell she was getting in to it
 So off we went
 There was fun to be had, love to be made
 "Strange", I said to myself, as I laid smoking a last joint before the technic easing of sleep
 "What a man will go for when the hornies set in."
 Well suddenly, as she laid there, mouth half open, wig half off, snoring, breath smelling like a 1948 Buick
 I was sick with the guilties, and she smiled in her sleep
 As if to say, "All looks are not alike, all holes are not a crack."