Things We Say When People Die

Now speaking of dead people
 There are things we say when someone dies
 Most of us say, lot of us do
 Things we say that no one ever questions.
 They just go on examined
 Give you a few examples
 After someone dies the follow conversation is bound to take place
 Probably more than once
 Two guys meet on the street
 "Hey did you hear?
 Phil Davis died"
 "Phil Davis?
 I just saw him yesterday"
 Yeah, didn't help
 He died anyway
 Apparently the simple act of your
 seeing him did not slow his cancer down
 In fact it may have made it more aggressive
 You know, you could be responsible for Phil's death
 How do you live with yourself?
 Here is another thing we say
 This is something that is usually said to the surviving spouse
 Usually a woman because of the way it works
 "Listen, if there is anything I can do, anything at all
 Please, don't hesitate to ask"
 "What are you gonna do, a resurrection?"
 This ain't the fucking New Testament you know?
 You know what you tell a guy like that, that wants to help
 "Oh fine, why don't you come over
 next weekend you can paint the garage
 Bring your plunger, the upstairs toilet overflowed
 And there's shit all over the floor up there
 You drive a tractor?
 Good, that'll come in handy
 The north forty needs a lot of attention
 Bring your chainsaw and your pickax, we're gonna put your ass to work"
 He wants to help, fuck em
 Call his bluff
 Call his bluff
 The nerve of these pricks
 Here's another thing we say to the surviving spouse
 "I'm keeping him in my thoughts"
 Where?
 Where exactly in your thoughts does he fit?
 Right between 'my ass hurts from
 this chair' and 'let's fuck the waitress'
 What are your priorities?
 We use a lot of euphemisms when we talk about death ya know?
 People say things like
 "You know I lost my father"
 Ah, he'll turn up
 You gotta stay optimistic with people like that
 Give them reason to hope
 "Have you checked the dumpster out back?
 He used to like to take a nap in there"
 Keep it up beat