Badtimes

If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "badtimes",
 Delete it immediately
 Without reading it. this is the most dangerous e-mail virus yet.
 It will re-write your hard drive. not only that, but it will
 Scramble any
 Disks that are even close to your computer. it will recalibrate
 Your
 Refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts. it
 Will
 Demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the
 Tracking on
 Your vcr and use subspace field harmonics to render any cds you
 Try to play
 Unreadable.
 It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. it
 Will mix
 Antifreeze into your fishtank. it will drink all your beer and
 Leave its
 Socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over.
 It will put
 A dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit and hide your
 Car keys
 When you are late for work.
 Badtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. it will give
 You
 Nightmares about circus midgets. it will pour sugar in your gas
 Tank and
 Shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current
 Boy/girlfriend behind
 Your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your visa
 Card.
 It will seduce your grandmother. it does not matter if she is
 Dead, such is
 The power of badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully
 Those things
 We hold most dear.
 It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find
 It. it will
 Kick your dog. it will leave libidinous messages on your boss's
 Voice mail
 In your voice!
 It is insidious and subtle. it is dangerous and terrifying to
 Behold. it is
 Also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
 Badtimes will give you dutch elm disease. it will leave the
 Toilet seat up.
 It will make a batch of methamphetamine in your bathtub and then
 Leave bacon
 Cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase high school kids
 With your