The Dark Night of the Soul

Growing up, the river and the mountain were a fountain of life for us
 We knew how to play in the water and how to rest in the shade
 And navigated the currents
 And recognized the way that the face of the mountain smiled just like our father's
 And the song of the river sounded just like our mother's
 And the sunsets in the valley glowed just like our worldview
 And the lightning had not yet torn that world in two
 When I saw one of the sparrows fall, I knew that when she hit the soil
 The earth would break like our heart-quake until it could not be called that at all
 Of course the world is grey
 Of course the mountain is no longer a mountain
 And the rivers have turned to snakes
 I will never forget the way that her father writhed in the dirt
 The day that he wept over the grave he made for his daughter
 After begging you to let her stay
 So, where is the lullaby that our doctrine sang?
 Where is the house on the rock when even the rock couldn't withstand the rain?
 What does it mean
 You who uses spit to clean the eyes of blind men
 Suddenly guilty for all that they have claimed to see?
 It's not that I don't believe
 It's just that sometimes, faith feels more like cataracts than clarity
 Please, go gentle on me
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 In obscurity and silence and absurdity and violence
 The quiet reminded me that the surest sign I don't understand
 Is to be sure that I do
 "I knew more before I knew more," he said
 And just outside the room
 I watched her die for 45 minutes while they tried to revive my child
 And when she finally pulled through
 I thought of death and resurrection
 And how much I hated You
 I love You for it
 You've been gone so long, I've been raging at the night in all its emptiness
 All its nothingness
 All its silent, darkened sky
 I've been searching for the sadist who keeps taking his sweet time to let us see
 Or let us leave, or let us move on with our lives
 Now that You've finally shown Yourself again
 I've got my fists raised high for the bliss it is
 To finally have a Christ to crucify
 And then to kiss
 You let me lose my mind, and I loved You for letting me hate You
 And I barely recognize the lines that the rivers make on the mountain face
 Or the color of Your eyes
 I thought that they were black and white
 I thought I knew the creeks
 I thought that they were black and white
 Keep forgiving
 Keep forgiving
 Let God be wild
 Let God be wild
 Let God be wild
 And let me be free