Patterns

Patterns in my life that I trace every day
 Patterns as I say the things I always say
 Patterns in the ceiling as I lie awake
 Why are patterns haunting every move I make?
 Just look, here I am on cue again
 Upset, feeling torn in two again
 Afraid, saying I'm okay
 Making little jokes
 'Til I run away again
 And yet today I am not the same
 I feel my life slipping from its frame
 Strange feelings rise, feelings with no name
 And I can't face them
 So I shake them hard
 Fold them up
 And tuck them safely away
 Again
 Patterns that begin as I walk through a door
 Patterns in the curtains and the kitchen floor
 Patterns in the day's routines I must arrange
 Patterns in the ways I try, but never change
 Just look as I'm thrown a curve again
 I leap, then I lose my nerve again
 In tears, running home I go
 Secretly relieved
 Safe with what I know again
 And yet I know I am not the same
 Inside my heart is something I can't tame
 I feel my mind bursting into flame
 And I must change, or else, I'll break apart
 Or break away
 And end up having to start
 Again
 Patterns through the day I seem to use to give my life a shape
 Patterns through the house that give me comfort when I need escape
 Patterns that lead me nowhere
 At all