I Wish I Were a Real Alaskan Girl

Oh, I wish I were a real Alaskan girl
 I wish that I could hold my beer
 I could wear hip waders in summer and heels at ten below
 I'd have sexy wooly legs with long and flowing frozen hair
 Oh to be a scowgirl in the Last Frontier
 Where chicks run the Iditarod and win it
 Oh, I could wrench on my own goose and I would jerk my own moose
 And I'd drive a huge domestic truck and actually haul stuff in it
 A little less sugar, little more spice
 A whole lot of fire and even more ice
 From Kotzebue to Ketchikan, from Dead Horse to Attu
 Alaskan chicks can teach a city girl like me a thing or two
 Oh, I wish I were a real Alaskan girl
 Because I hear that they kick ass
 Oh, it's easy to see why a local woman's in demand
 The guys have to queue up for years to get a chance to hold your hand
 I'd find me some big burly bush pilot boy
 I would hook and reel him in and fiancé him
 But if he ever double-crossed me or tried to do me wrong
 I wouldn't hardly hesitate to skin, gut, and filet him
 I'd shoot more than a camera at the animals and such
 I'd eat Rudolph for breakfast and Bullwinkle for lunch
 Alaskan girls are fearsome and fearless by design
 They kill mosquitoes with a look and mess with trusting tourists' minds
 They're ruggedly handsome in their way
 They're wild and free and meant to be that way
 So from Jakalof to Juneau raise a glass to a proud and
 confident and deserving Alaskan woman you know
 And from Beaver to Tatitlek, here's to ladies who understand that their
 self-image should have nothing whatsoever to do with their shade of
 lipstick
 I wish I were a real Alaskan girl, but when it comes down to it
 For most of us, Los Anchorage is gonna have to do it