The Ballad of Hans Moleman

Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down
 Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down
 Hans Moleman is his name a.k.a. Ralph Melish
 He's a stone cold player Arti Ziff was mad jealous
 when he dated Selma first, plus he's only 31
 Drinking ruined his life, it's such a sad story son
 Got a knife in his cane and a fire in his loins
 The indie movie star who took a football to the groin
 Burns thought he was a leprechaun, drilled him in the head
 Slept with Lars Ulrich's grandmother then chilled with her in bed
 He's more metal than Metallica, though that's not so hard
 Homer drove him off a cliff, so impatient in his car,
 He was hauling Poe's house, just another day for Hans
 but he's back on his feet 'cause he's the motherflipping man
 You know there's no escape from the Fortress of the Moles
 He's been burnt, run over buried, but he's still on a roll
 He's been radiated, detonated, heart broken twice,
 The Lazarus of Springfield, always coming back to life his name is
 Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down
 (He's the bad luck Brian of 920 Oak Grove, Hipster Glasses so thick and round)
 Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down
 ('Cause he's trying out for Poochie while he's waiting on his kidney, he's the talk of the whole darn town)
 Have you seen his green pants, have you seen his new shirt?
 He wasn't yelling "Boo!", he was yelling "Boo-Urns!"
 Attacked by Roomba robots gone anthropomorphic
 He's part Droopy the Dog and part Kenny McCormick
 He was riding on his Harley on the cover of his bio
 Crashed into Planet Hype yeah he's been up there for awhile
 He was texting Homer hit him, well surprise, he survived!
 he's twice as cool as Millhouse though he can't really drive
 Have you ever felt crushed by the weight of the planet?
 If you have, let me tell you that Hans Moleman understands it,
 But you've got to get up, you've got to put on your tie
 Lace up your orthopedic shoes, and look up at the sky
 And say hey, Solar rays, today you won't burn me up
 Keep that Moleman PMA, you can break out of that rut,
 'Cause when you're stuck in the snow and you're starting to turn purple
 Just remember Hans Moleman when the wolves start to circle
 Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down
 ('Cause he's like Cowabunga dudes, with a skateboard in his hand
 Hipster glasses so thick and round)
 Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down
 (Even in his iron lung, well he's still dependable
 He's the talk of the whole darn town)
 BRIDGE
 This player was the mayor over thirty years ago
 brought an anthem to the people he told everyone he wrote
 then one day it was discovered that whole thing was hoax
 so they tied him to a horse out in the desert, let him go
 Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down
 Moleman, Hans Moleman, you can't keep Hans Moleman down