Happy Hero

If I got shot
 I bet the press would pick it up
 You'd like me all a lot
 If I got beat
 When camera's rolled you'd see me lying bloody in the street
 If a crazy stalker stabbed me or if down the stairs I fell
 My room would fill with flowers,
 And with cards to wish me well.
 And I'd be your happy hero 'cause you'd heard my catchy song
 And after being ripped apart, I could do no harm.
 I know that I've done nothing that a coward wouldn't do
 But even I might see things different, after listening to you
 I'd be so hot, yeah,
 For the sale-price of a press release
 Success can still be bought
 I'd sit so tall
 They'd pluck me in a wheelchair and they'd push me down the hall
 I'd play a song for dying kids, your eyes would start to tear
 That would be the ticket, to bolster my career
 And I'd be your happy hero and I'd sell another song
 And after viewing my big heart, you'd have me going strong
 I'd play a gentle lover in a movie for T.V.
 So I deserve your pity, when my wife divorces me
 If someone told, no,
 Accused of fucking teen-aged boys and beating others cold
 You'd side with me!
 And enough of your would doubt it, which would likely set me free
 You'd say I didn't do it and that anyone could tell,
 'cause he's smooth and smart and pretty
 And he reads his lines so well
 And to be your happy hero
 I'd just sing another verse
 The more I sing,
 The more you would relieve me from my curse
 Release me from your consciousness
 As I bring down the floor
 Selling Pepsi from the stage,
 You yell and scream for more
 More, more damnit! More!