Allie Goertz

I've got a checklist of all of the things that I want in a girlfriend
 I put a lot of time thinking of the attributes
 'Cause I'm a detailed oriented guy
 And I finally found a women who's funny and smart and likes pastrami
 And wears cool glass and sings about the Simpsons
 Yes, her name is Goertz
 Yeah, that name is right here on my checklist (check it out!)
 All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz
 'Cause I like to know what she's doing
 All the Ernies and Berts tuck in their shirts
 When Allie Goertz walks by
 And she's friends with Chris Hardwick
 And he's not friends with jerks
 Oh, she's like Lucy Ricardo and I'm Fred Mertz
 Oh, Allie Goertz
 Sometimes she makes a tweet and it's just so very funny that it makes me cry
 'Cause it's plain to see that she's out of my league
 I get depressed and I have to lie down
 Maybe I should write and sing a little song for her
 No, that's a bad idea
 That would creep her out and I don't want to do that
 Oh no, I'm already singing a song for her (somebody stop me!)
 All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz
 'Cause I like to know what she's doing
 All the Ernies and Berts tuck in their shirts
 When Allie Goertz walks by
 And she's friends with Chris Hardwick
 And he's not friends with jerks
 Oh, she's like Lucy Ricardo and I'm Fred Mertz
 Oh, Allie Goertz
 Parry: Oh, hey Stephen. Thanks for coming over. I really apprieciate it.
 Stephen: No problem. What can I do for you?
 Parry: Well see, there's this girl. Here's her picture. Do you think I should go for it?
 Stephen: Hmm. I think that you are way too old for this girl.
 Parry: Too old? Stephen: Yes.
 Parry: Dude. Stephen: That's what I think.
 Parry: That's not cool. That's ageism and it's lame. Forget it. You take your little Speak-n-Spell and your President Medal of Freedom and get out of here. The nerve of that guy.
 A little birdie chirps, Miley Cyrus twerks
 And it's all for Allie Goertz
 All the Ernies and Berts tuck in their shirts
 When Allie Goertz walks by
 All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz
 'Cause I like to know what she's doing
 I eat frozen desserts 'til my head hurts
 'Cause they're sweet and cool like Allie Goertz
 All my Google alerts are for Allie Goertz
 Stephen: Now I will find this Allie Goertz and make her mine. Ha ha ha ha ha.