Virgil And The Moonshot

Well, old Virgil always was a clown,
 Dumbest man in our hometown
 But somehow, he got hired out at the NASA base
 Then one day, against all the rules
 While cleanin' up a space capsule
 He closed the hatch and started playing 'man in space'
 He put a space suit on and sat right down
 Started flippin' switches and messin' around
 A siren started blastin' and a green light was flashin' READY
 Hoses were snappin' and gas was going whoosh
 And Virgil just had to give that button a push
 And son-of-a-gun, he was gone like Richard Petty!
 Oooh... Mamaaaaa...!!
 Hello, Houston, we got a problem
 Get Gladys on the phone
 Somebody tell her where I'm at
 And how long I'll be gone
 Remind her she needs to feed my dogs
 Milk the cow and slop them hogs
 Hello, Houston, we got a problem
 How y'all gonna git' me back home? Huh?
 Well, we saw it right there on TV
 My wife, my kids, the dog and me
 On a broadcast from outer space on the evening news
 Oh, Virgil wasn't havin' any fun
 He'd run down the batteries on his Star Wars gun
 And was turning green in various shades and hues
 He said, "Boys you better get me down quick
 'Cause I'm afraid I'm gonna be sick
 And I don't think that I can take much more of this
 Lord, all I do is float around
 Half the time I think I'm upside down, ya know
 I need to throw up but I don't know where up is!"
 Hello, Redneck One, Redneck One, this is mission control
 Stand by, Virgil, we're about to execute your re-entry...
 "Execute me? Lord have mercy!
 Couldn't you just dock me a couple of days' pay?
 Ohh, here we go again...!"
 Hello, Houston, we got a problem
 I think we got a flat tire
 Yeah, I just looked out that little round window
 And the whole capsule's a-fire!
 Everything's shakin' and burnin' hot
 If you're gonna execute me, I'd just as soon be shot!
 Hello, Houston we got a problem
 I'm droppin' like a fallin' star...
 Well, give NASA credit, they got him back
 And of course, he was immediately sacked
 And we were all amazed at the fame Virgil's ride had brought
 But ole Virgil knew just how to work it
 'Cause next thing you know he's on the talk show circuit
 Billin' himself as "The Redneck Astronaut"
 Hello, Oprah, we got a problem
 Montel's on the other phone
 Yeah, he wants to book me, too
 Now, I'm sure that we can work it out in time
 Just have your people talk to mine
 Hello, Oprah, I gotta go now
 Sixty Minutes is on the phone
 Hey, Sixty Minutes, yeah! Aw, I'd love to,
 but you know I gotta' have that first segment - and Mike Wallace has
 gotta host it! Uh-huh, well OK. Fine then. We'll give it to Dateline.
 Uh-huh, what's that? Aww, well that's more like it! Yeah,
 well I kinda thought you'd see it my way. I mean after all,
 it does make sense don't it? Space suit? Yeah, I got a space suit.
 Well, it's not a real space suit,
 but you can't tell the difference from three feet away.
 Gladys made it fer me. Yeah,
 she's got one of them sewin'
 machines that does all that fancy stuff...