Merry Christmas From The Family

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk
 At our Christmas party
 We were drinking champagne punch
 And homemade egg-nog
 Little sister brought her new boyfriend
 He was a Mexican
 We didn't know what to think of him
 'Til he sang "Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad"
 Brother Ken brought his kids with him
 The three from his first wife Lynn
 And the two identical twins
 From his second wife Mary Nell
 Of course he brought his new wife Kay
 Who talks all about AA
 Chain smoking while the stereo plays
 "Noel, Noel, The First Noel"
 Carve the Turkey, turn the ball game on
 Mix margaritas when the egg-nog's gone
 Send somebody to the Quickpak Store
 We need some ice and an extension chord
 A can of bean dip and some Diet Rites
 A box of tampons and some Marlboro Lights
 Hallelujah, everybody say, "Cheese"
 Merry Christmas from the family
 Fred and Rita drove from Harlingen
 I can't remember how I'm kin to them
 But when they tried to plug their motor home in
 They blew our Christmas lights
 Cousin David knew just what went wrong
 So we all waited out on our front lawn
 He threw the breaker and the lights came on
 And we sang "Silent Night, oh Silent Night"
 Carve the turkey, turn the ball game on
 Make Bloody Mary's 'cause we all want one
 Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go
 We need some celery and a can of fake snow
 A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprites
 A box of tampons and some Salem Lights
 Hallelujah, everybody say, "Cheese"
 Merry Christmas from the family
 Feliz Navidad