Jackie

And if one day I should become
 A singer with a Spanish bum
 Who sings for women of great virtue
 I'd sing to them with a guitar
 I borrowed from a coffee bar
 Well, what you don't know doesn't hurt you
 My name would be Antonio
 And all my bridges I would burn
 And when I gave them some they'd know
 I'd expect something in return
 I'd have to get drunk every night
 And talk about virility
 With some old grandmother
 Who might be decked out like a christmas tree
 And though pink elephants I'd see
 Though I'd be drunk as I could be
 Still I would sing my song to me
 About the time they called me "Jackie"
 If I could be for only an hour
 If I could be for an hour every day
 If I could be for just one little hour
 A cute, cute in a stupid ass way
 And if I joined the social whirl
 Became procurer of young girls
 Then I would have my own bordellos
 My record would be number one
 And I'd sell records by the ton
 All sung by many other fellows
 My name would then be handsome Jack
 And I'd sell boats of opium
 Whisky that came from Twickenham
 Authentic queers
 And phony virgins
 If I had banks on every finger
 A finger in every country
 And every country ruled by me
 I'd still know where I'd want to be
 Locked up inside my opium den
 Surrounded by some china men
 I'd sing the song that I sang then
 About the time they called me "Jackie"
 If I could be for only an hour
 If I could be for an hour every day
 If I could be for just one little hour
 A cute, cute in a stupid ass way
 Now, tell me, wouldn't it be nice
 That if one day in paradise
 I'd sing for all the ladies up there
 And they would sing along with me
 And we be so happy there to be
 'Cause down below is really nowhere
 My name would then be Junipher
 Then I would know where I was going
 And then I would become all knowing
 My beard so very long and flowing
 If I became deaf, dumb and blind
 Because I pitied all mankind
 And broke my heart to make things right
 I know that every single night
 When my angelic work was through
 The angels and the Devil too
 Would sing my childhood song to me
 About the time they called me "Jackie"
 If I could be for only an hour
 If I could be for an hour every day
 If I could be for just one little hour
 A cute, cute in a stupid ass way