The Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine - Alternate Version

Do people have a tendency to dump on you?
 Does your group have more cavities than theirs?
 Do all the hippies seem to get the jump on you?
 Do you sleep alone when other sleep in pairs?
 Well, there's no need to complain
 We'll eliminate your pain
 We can neutralize your brain
 You'll feel just fine now
 Buy a big, bright, green Pleasure Machine
 Do figures of authority just shoot you down?
 Is life within the business world a drag?
 Did your boss just mention that you'd better shop around
 To find yourself a more productive bag?
 Are you worried and distressed?
 Can't seem to get no rest?
 Put our product to the test
 You'll feel just fine now
 Buy a big, bright, green pleasure machine
 You better hurry up and order one
 Our limited supply is very nearly gone
 Do you nervously await the blows of cruel fate?
 Do your checks bounce higher than a rubber ball?
 Are you worried 'cause your girlfriend's just a little late?
 Are you looking for a way to chuck it all?
 We can end your daily strife
 At a reasonable price
 You've seen it advertised in Life
 You'll feel just fine now
 Buy a big, bright, green pleasure machine