Defeatist

I cried in your bed and I bled and I fled
 And I wonder why does the sky seem like its bearing down on me
 Why does the sky seem so heavy
 Why does the sky seem like its bearing down on me?
 Was I running away from you?
 Or was I running away from me?
 Repetition of the last or a precursor of the next
 Can you find the girl in me through my insecurities?
 Can you find me?
 Is this how it needs to be self-fulfilling prophecy
 Complete my tragic world
 As caught as I can be
 And the things you didn't say and what they sang to me
 I thought I'd be okay
 I fight for control and I hold a victory here
 And every day that draws near
 I win by less and less
 And if I turn around this time
 Then I walking away for good
 If I could explain to you
 Why I do these things I do
 Apparent sabotage under the guise of truth
 And I am so confused the way I'm feeling about you
 I feel this about you
 Would you climb down from your tower
 I've erected just for you
 I'll bang my head against your wall
 And clean the blood when I'm through
 Then I'm searching for the calm in the hurricane of you
 Will you find me again too?
 I'll rest my head against your armor again and again
 And if my heart bleeds one more time
 Will you let me in
 So what secrets will you sing to the black cat in your hand
 Her body trembling as she searches for a softer place to land
 Will you kiss the spread of moisture as it flows beneath you hand
 And remember the sweet longing where our trusting black cat ran
 Will you talk to me from sleep can you lie to me from dreams
 And I wonder where your heart lies when you're naked next to me
 Feelings ripping through my chest whenever you get up to leave
 I want you here with me
 Can you look me in the eye when I bell the cat
 You say we'll do the right thing what the hell is that
 What am I supposed to do when you're pissing on the moon
 And when I want you even more what can I do