The Ballad of Stuart the Sailor

This is the story of Stuart the sailor
 He was a whaler who mastered the seas
 Strong and respected, he fought and protected
 All the dejected and down on their knees
 He was a lover unlike any other
 Daughters and mothers would faint when he smiled
 But it was false interest, the sea was his mistress
 He stuck to his business on the ocean wild
 Oh Sailor Stu!
 What a man was he
 Strong and true
 Standing up for you and for me
 Although truth be told,
 He was just a bit insane
 But strong and bold
 And we shall honour his name
 I still remember one icy December
 A lad was dismembered from fightin' a squid
 Stuart made arms from an old rusty steel drum
 And he attached them to that limbless kid
 Once we were viewin' a storm that was brewin'
 We were pursuin' a deadly typhoon
 Stuart just laughed as the men headed aft
 Screaming 'this man is daft, sending us to our doom'
 Oh Sailor Stu!
 What a man was he
 Some loose screws
 But standing up for you and for me
 Although truth be told,
 He was just a bit insane
 But strong and bold
 And we shall honour his name
 Several years later, he sailed to Decater
 Ordered potaters and bolts for a snack
 He called himself Shirley and drew on his belly
 By then we could tell he had finally cracked
 Now he resides in a mental asylum
 He's been there a while but he's doing okay
 The ship ain't the same since old Stu went insane
 But it's now far more tame and we like it that way
 Oh Sailor Stu!
 What a man was he
 He went cuckoo
 Standing up for you and for me
 He was strong and bold
 But totally insane
 But those years were gold
 And never lame
 Our fallen brother Stuart, the best you'd ever find.
 We thought that he could do it, but then he lost his mind.