Oh, Mr. Darcy

When I was first learning of love as a teenager
 One source gave me all my ideas and theories
 Jane Austen's masterpiece work, Pride and Prejudice
 Or actually, the 1995 BBC mini-series
 Oh that Mr. Darcy, so gruff and so distant
 With a sensitive spirit just waiting to shine
 There's a good reason that women love jerks
 It seems like a fantastic idea at the time
 Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy
 Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth
 You're tall, dark, and handsome
 You're charming and wonderful
 No other men are worth half what you're worth
 When I was 19 I traveled to Europe
 To study and learn and go clubbing and drink
 There was a cute boy in my history lessons
 Who hailed from near London and mostly ignored me
 So, of course, I fell for him and his charming voice
 His detachment and rudeness got me in a snap
 He finally noticed me at the end of semester
 Took me on one date and treated me like crap
 Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy
 Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth
 You wily old bastard, you wonderful specimen
 You've messed up the hearts of young girls 'round the earth
 If you meet a gentleman hailing from England
 Don't be so impressed; hold on to your heart
 Just because a guy has a British accent
 Does not mean he's witty or decent or smart.
 If a boy treats you with tasteful indifference
 If he is handsome, but bristly and cold
 Don't be intrigued just because he's ignoring you
 Not every asshole has a heart of gold
 Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy
 Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth
 You wily old bastard, you wonderful specimen
 You've messed up the hearts of young girls 'round the earth
 Oh, oh, oh, Mr. Darcy
 Oh, oh, oh, Colin Firth
 You're tall, dark, and handsome
 You're charming and wonderful
 No other men are worth half what you're worth