Why Can't Every City Be Portland?

Why can't every city be Portland
 Why can't everywhere be like here
 It's the place that I like,
 All the folks unicycle
 They're carrying bottles of beer
 Why can't every city be PDX
 Where we're not unemployed; we've got our own projects
 We're keepin' it weird
 And every guy with a beard
 Has a few pairs of horn-rimmed specs
 It's not our original home sweet home,
 But we do like the Romans,
 'cause we're sort of in Rome
 We bike in the lane
 Treating cars with disdain,
 And pretend we don't know that it always rains
 Why can't every city be Portland
 Where the irony is big as our trees
 It's no longer intriguin'
 That everyone's vegan
 And nobody owns a TV
 Why can't every space be Portlandia's place
 Where even the lawyers are pierced on their face
 Where we'll all DIY
 Till the day that we die
 And we live at a comfortable pace
 It's not our original home sweet home,
 But we do like the Romans,
 'cause we're sort of in Rome
 You've got kombucha, we'll try it
 If it's on Craigslist, we'll buy it
 And if you find a new neighborhood, we'll gentrify it
 Why can't every city be Portland
 Where we don't know how lucky we are
 We buy food without tax
 And we hop on the MAX
 For a cheap ride down to the bar
 Why can't every old stone be this temperate zone
 Where our future as grown-ups is sort of postponed
 We might move to L.A.
 Or Seattle someday
 But first we have to pay off our student loans