ASCETIC

Every day I go up on the mountain
 Climb to the top but I don't know what for
 It's quiet until I hear a voice up on the mountain
 Beware of what you want
 It might want you more
 Ashes my burned hut
 But beautiful like cherry
 Blooming on the hill
 One of my patients just before he died
 And just before I left the hospital and began to travel
 If he could face death so calmly
 How could I face life with so much doubt
 Now I can sit on the side of a mountain
 And watch the shadows slowly filling the valley floor
 But not without the doubts that still linger
 And constantly caress the edges of my shadowy interior
 At least a catheter expels impurities in a manner of model efficiency
 And my previous profession always at least offered that
 Flawless vasectomies in clean and well lit places
 A sterile field sealed from infection but not from disease
 I often wonder if I left anyone behind
 But somehow I just can't remember
 Only an oddly defined drive to find a better way
 But somehow I don't believe this is it
 As I watch the shadows slowly creeping closer
 I think about India and the Hindu concept of Maya
 It took me so long to understand
 The space between reality and perception
 And now it seems that I live there