Masochist

Everything happens for a reason
 And my reason to be's to see shit happen for a reason, one event to the next
 It's like I'm stuck at the box office with every second my clock tosses
 Into my face, smacked with a case of fate wasted and lost causes
 I've been mocked and accosted, to the point that I got nauseous
 Though my flow's been plugged enough to stop faucets
 I've thought often about tossing this awesome gift to the wind
 And start crossing over to sin with this intention to blend that I get from within
 I've protected my skin with a thin layer of pride and showmanship
 But both my coats are ripped and I can't seem to decide on clothes that fit
 Supposing this rap shit actually pays off, I'm wondering if it'll all be worth it
 'Cause this is what everyone in my life has ever been hurt with
 This curse, this evil urge I feel for verses
 Is one of my life's real perversions
 I seal my curtains when I write, I feel disturbance from the light
 I deal with dirt and yet I want to heal the earth and peel the surface to reveal it's perfect
 And words I wield with purpose, and yet nobody follows the plot
 They rather hear me rock off of the top
 There's pitfalls in my socks, so I walk with caution
 Somebody halt the auction cause my soul's on sale and I thought I lost it
 If I gotta fight for the rest of my life
 Then I'm gon' turn the other cheek (yeah)
 'Cause I hate the way you hurt me
 But I can't get enough of your love
 And who the hell am I supposed to be
 A holy priest holding a rosary, some type of bold stoic Moses of poetry
 Should I be holding heat to pose for the streets
 A total phone, if I said my name was Tony would you know it's me
 Supposedly, T-O-N-E flow with ease over these bolder beats
 But the flow's too cheap to pay for groceries
 And in the throws of grief I choke and breathe
 Loaded with my parents hopes and dreams, yet I don't know if we both believe
 I scope the scene, and I'm watching these bills build up
 I'm nice with a day-job, these niggaz write all day and still suck
 And yet they fill clubs, sell a trillion and feel sluts
 I kill dubs, but I don't have the mills to pay for real pub
 My chilled love melts on occasion
 'Cause brainwashed niggaz only feelin' my track if Clue or Flex will play it
 Who you expect to say this shit if I don't
 What, 'cause I don't wanna be extorted by some cat who lets cash determine his playlists
 I'm searching for ways in, but entrances are sparse when you're hard to market
 Fuck art, cause thugs aren't the smartest targets
 And I'm not abstract enough, so it seems backpackers are acting up
 And I thought it was half the battle, just to have the love
 And pack a truckload of skills, politics are ill and yo, it's real
 It seems I'm cruising, and they're still using these crooked stones for wheels
 And when you know the deal, it doesn't evoke the most appeal
 Like stolen Kosher Meals, lemme propose a toast to heal
 If I gotta fight for the rest of my life
 Then I'm gon' turn the other cheek (yeah)
 'Cause I hate the way you hurt me
 But I can't get enough of your love
 I've sacrificed so many facets of life, just to achieve this
 From love and definitive reason, to trust in agreements
 My family suffered a grievance when we discussed I was leaving
 Seeming substituted for tunnel vision and it probably crushed all their feelings
 There's something appeasing in the corruption of demons
 Feeding me vehemently lustful delusions of bucks from succeeding
 But times up, months it's exceeded
 Peeling the scabs off of cuts that are bleeding
 Knowing I ain't had it as tough as Jesus
 This shit doesn't compete or even touches what he did
 But, will I be signed by 33, 'cause my teens were fucking depleted
 Blessed with a gift, equipped to assist in the destruction of heathens
 But, please, would god really want me snuffing emcees, then (ha)
 I must be conceited, right
 Well, I'm balanced out by the lack of self-esteem
 I've felt since I've learned how to read and write
 Overcompensation spelled relief when the rhyme schemes are tight
 Then I feel the weight of a cheapened life when 5,000 people die
 (Sob sob) feel bad for the rap artist
 But pour your soul into something for responses that's half-hearted
 Terminate relationships on the basis of past hardships
 And then you'll see why every review's like another line on my scarred wrist
 This light-hearted voice becomes jailed by the darkness
 It's impossible to trap my lips, when I have to spit
 I try to swim away, but I keep getting dragged back in this
 Come to find my arms automatically swimming backwards, 'cause I'm a masochist
 If I gotta fight for the rest of my life
 Then I'm gon' turn the other cheek (yeah)
 'Cause I hate the way you hurt me
 But I can't get enough of your love
 If I gotta fight for the rest of my life
 Then I'm gon' turn the other cheek (yeah)
 'Cause I hate the way you hurt me
 But I can't get enough of your love
 If I gotta fight for the rest of my life
 Then I'm gon' turn the other cheek (yeah)
 'Cause I hate the way you hurt me
 But I can't get enough of your love