These Are The Tales

These are the tales
 These are the tales that I tell so well (tune in to the History Channel)
 These are the tales (learn a lesson biatch)
 These are the tales that I tell so well (Short Dog)
 I'm thinkin' way back, it's been a long, long time
 In 1980, I wrote my first rhyme
 I like to spit a lot of game
 But back then, I was just sayin' my name
 I had a record player on my stereo
 Got down on my knees with my radio
 From Oakland, California with some new shit
 I'm Sir Too $hort, I'm 'bout to do this
 In 1981, that's where it all begun
 We do it for the money, we don't rap for fun
 Five dollars fo' a tape, Too $hort and Freddy B
 Money in my pocket's all I ever need
 It was me, Fred B and Freddy Brack
 Dipped the sermon sticks then we smoked them phat
 While we rapped about the bitches and all the ho's
 Can't be in the hole tryin' to ball without vogues
 In '82 you was in the game
 With a Falcon, Cougar or a Mustang
 Me and Freddy B used to hit the turfs
 With a bag of tapes puttin' in work, biatch
 In '83 you hit a house party
 A dollar get you in and a dollar for a drink
 I'm on the turntable smokin' get-right
 And at midnight, I'll be rappin' on the mic
 I did the same thang, for the next two years
 That's why they say my name, when I come through here
 When I was 16, I want'd to be a Mack
 I went to Fremont High with Lil' D and Black
 Young ballers in the town livin' real phat
 Never had the sack, but I smoked a little crack
 Crushed up in the weed, we call 'em bass rock Caddies
 Goin' on them grimmies make them ho's call me daddy
 These are the tales (just call me Daddy, bitch)
 These are the tales that I tell so well (check these also, $hort Dog representing)
 These are the tales
 These are the tales that I tell so well (life is biatch)
 It's been 15 years since that shit happened
 But Too $hort don't stop rappin'
 In '85, I was on the right page
 Ten thousand niggaz, $hort live on stage
 Underground tapes was all they ever heard
 But the whole crowd sang along with me word for word
 And that changed everything
 Went to Seventy Five Girls and hooked up with Dean
 Real player-ism and that's no joke
 Snort a lot of coke with ho's that like to smoke
 I was makin' records but wasn't makin' money
 You can take it seriously, or you can think it's funny
 By '87, I was on my own, started Dangerous Music
 And I made the song "These are the tales, the freaky tales"
 No radio or video or CD sales
 Six platinums in a row, Ice Cube and Cool J
 Who else did that shit $hort Dog from the Bay
 These ho's try to play it safe
 But I been mackin' hard since '88
 And from '89 to '96
 I was rappin' on the mic talkin' shit about a bitch
 I'll retire ten times, and I'll still be here
 My old records sell about a half a mil' a year
 I say, "Bitch get naked" so pimpishly
 Spit rhymes through decades and centuries
 And bitches just love my dirty mouth
 When I see you again, I'ma cuss you out, biatch!
 That's my gift, now all you rappers get to say that shit
 I won't sue you, but that's the trademark
 I was a grown ass man when you was playin' in the park lil' nigga
 These are the tales
 These are the tales that I tell so well
 These are the tales
 These are the tales that I tell so well
 Now I'm in Atlanta, I still love the O
 I gave you my bitch, but you can't have my flow
 I guest appeared on 47 albums
 Fuck McDonald and fuck Calvin
 I get money with Erick Sermon when I'm in New York
 I get respect, they call me Too $hort
 I live swell in ATL, 'cause I'm a player
 We fuckin' hella ho's at X House in Decatur where it's greater
 You know how we ride
 I got love for all niggaz from the EastSide
 It was me, Ant Banks and Shorty B
 All we need to do is find my nigga PeeWee
 We used to be on Murdel Street makin' funky songs
 If you see him, tell him $hort said it's back on
 Let's get this money, Midwest down South
 East Coast, West Coast ride out, biatch
 These are the tales (that's my gift to rap)
 These are the tales that I tell so well (you can have that word, say bitch all you want)
 These are the tales (all you regular fake ass niggas)
 These are the tales that I tell so well (you finally get to have Too $hort's bitch)