Keep It Gay

Did you get a chance yet to read Springtime for Hitler?
 Read it? I devoured it!
 And I find it remarkable! Remarkable!
 Then you'll do it?
 Do it? Of course not.
 It's not my kind of thing.
 I mean, Max, please.
 World War Two, ooh!
 Too dark, too depressing!
 The theatre's so obsessed
 With dramas so depressed
 It's hard to sell a ticket on Broadway
 Shows should be more pretty
 Shows should be more witty
 Shows should be more...
 What's the word?
 Gay?
 Exactly!
 No matter what you do on the stage
 Keep it light, keep it bright, keep it gay!
 Whether it's murder, mayhem, or rage
 Don't complain, it's a pain
 Keep it gay!
 People want laughter when they see a show
 The last thing they're after's a litany of woe
 ROGER And CARMEN:
 A happy ending will pep up your play...
 Oedipus won't bomb...
 If he winds up with Mom! Keep it gay!
 Keep it gay...
 ROGER And CARMEN:
 Keep it gay!
 Couldn't agree with you more. And you have our blessings, Roger, to make Springtime for Hitler just as gay as anyone could possibly want. So, c'mon, do it for us, please.
 I'm sorry, Max, but it's simply not my cup of tea.
 Still, fair is fair, perhaps I should ask my production team what they think.
 Your production team. Who are they?
 You'll see. They all live here.
 GUYS!
 Come say hello to Bialystock and Bloom!
 This is my set designer, Bryan.
 Keep it glad, keep it mad, keep it gay!
 And here's my costume designer, Kevin.
 Hello... Keep it happy, keep it snappy, keep it gay!
 BRYAN And KEVIN:
 We're clever, creative
 It's our job to see
 That everything's perfect for Mr. De Bris!
 Scott, my choreographer...
 Hi there...
 And, ah, finally, last and least, my lighting designer, Shirley Markowitz.
 Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay
 Now, they all just read Springtime.
 What did you think of it, fellas?
 PRODUCTION TEAM:
 It needs glamour and glitz!
 It needs sequins and tits!
 Roger, I think that Springtime for Hitler would be a marvelous opportunity for you. I mean, up to now, you've always been associated with frivolous musicals.
 You're right. I've often felt as though I've been throwing my life away on silly little entertainments. Dopy showgirls in gooey gowns.It's enough to make you heave. Nonetheless, sorry, Max. I just couldn't do Springtime for Hitler.
 Why not? Think of the respect.
 No.
 Think of the prestige.
 No, no, no.
 Think of ... the Tony!
 CARMEN And THE TEAM:
 Tony... Tony... Tony... Tony... Tony!
 (groans)
 What's the matter?
 Is he all right?
 He's having a stroke...
 MAX And LEO:
 What?
 ...of GENIUS!
 I see it! At last. The chance to do something important!
 Roger de Bris presents History!
 Of course that whole second act has to be rewritten. They're losing the war? Excuse me. It's too downbeat.
 Roger de Bris presents History!
 But maybe... ooh... it's a wild idea, but it just might work...
 I... see... a... line of beautiful girls
 Dressed as storm troopers, each one a gem
 With leather boots and whips on their hips
 It's risque, dare I say, S And M!
 CARMEN and THE TEAM:
 Love it!
 I see German soldiers dancing through France
 Played by boys in very tight pants
 And wait, there's more - they win the war!
 And the dances they do will be daring and new
 Turn-turn-kick-turn, turn-turn-kick-turn
 One-two-three-kick-turn!
 Keep it sassy, keep it classy, keep it...
 That is brilliant. Brilliant! I speak for Mr. Bloom and myself, Roger, when I say that you are the only man in the world who can do justice to Springtime for Hitler. Will you do it, please?
 Please!
 Wait a minute. This is a very big decision. It might effect the course of my entire life. I shall have to think about it... I'll do it. I'll do it! Sabu, champagne!
 ROGER, CARMEN And THE TEAM:
 If at the end you want them to cheer
 Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay
 Whether it's Hamlet, Othello or Lear
 Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay
 Comedy's joyous, a constant delight
 Dramas annoy us...
 ROGER And CARMEN:
 ...and ruin our night.
 ROGER, CARMEN And THE TEAM:
 So keep your Strindbergs and Ibsens at bay...
 I'll sign...
 Sign...
 Sign...
 Sign...
 Sign...
 Sign...
 MAX And LEO:
 Sign...
 Roger Elizabeth De Bris!
 Keep it gay!!
 Conga!
 La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...
 And so the rule is when mounting a play:
 Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay!