Comedy Tonight

Playgoers, I bid you welcome
 The theater is a temple
 And we are here to worship the gods of comedy and tragedy
 Tonight, I am pleased to announce a comedy
 We shall employ every device we know
 In our desire to divert you
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 Something familiar
 Something peculiar
 Something for everyone
 A comedy tonight!
 Something appealing
 Something appalling
 Something for everyone
 A comedy tonight!
 Nothing with kings, nothing with crowns
 Bring on the lovers, liars and clowns!
 Old situations
 New complications
 Nothing portentous or polite
 Tragedy tomorrow
 Comedy tonight!
 
 Something convulsive (Ah!)
 Something repulsive (Ew!)
 Something for everyone
 A comedy tonight!
 Something aesthetic
 Something frenetic
 Something for everyone
 A comedy tonight!
 Nothing with gods
 Nothing with fate
 Weighty affairs will just have to wait
 Nothing that's formal
 Nothing that's normal
 No recitations to recite
 Open up the curtain
 ♪
 Comedy tonight!
 ♪
 Something erratic
 Something dramatic
 Something for everyone
 A comedy tonight!
 Frenzy and frolic
 Strictly symbolic
 Something for everyone
 A comedy tonight!
 ♪
 Now, the entire company!
 ♪
 Something familiar
 Something peculiar
 Something for everybody
 Comedy tonight!
 Something that's gawdy
 Something that's bawdy
 Something for everybody
 Comedy tonight!
 Nothing that's grim
 Nothing that's Greek
 She plays Medea later this week
 Stunning surprises
 Cunning disguises
 Hundreds of actors out of sight
 Pantaloons and tunics
 Courtesans and eunuchs
 Funerals and chases
 Baritones and basses
 Panderers
 Philanderers
 Cupidity
 Timidity
 Mistakes
 Fakes
 Rhymes
 Mimes
 Tumblers, grumblers, bumblers, fumblers
 No royal curse
 No Trojan horse
 And a happy ending, of course!
 Goodness and badness
 Man in his madness
 This time it all turns out all right
 Tragedy tomorrow
 ♪
 Comedy tonight!
 One, two, three!