Substance Affliction

I just don't know, where do I go from here
 Dead ends, dead friends, what's left for me?
 Nothing can bring me back from this fucking disease
 I'm fucked up, blind again
 It's how I feel, it's how I deal with internal conflicts in my head
 One day I will destroy myself, I've been feeling like I'm somebody else
 I'm trapped in the clutches of my past mistakes
 What do I have to do to catch a fucking break?
 Distant, oh so distant, I should have let you in
 Constant, oh so constant, this pain just pull the pin
 I've been wasting my life away
 I am a victim to the poison in my veins
 All my days are spent jaded
 And I am losing hope that I'll find a way out
 Through the darkness I search for a light
 To illuminate the path up ahead
 I can feel my heartbeat rising, every second makes me feel that I am nothing
 Pushing my face to the ground
 I've been beaten and bruised, used and abused
 The way I see I've got nothing left to lose
 Thoughts creeping at the back of my mind
 I've gone to far and now I'm running out of time
 Break these fucking walls that are confining me
 The room is spinning, please god don't let this define me
 Will this ever end?
 Put a gun to my fucking head and set me free, oh let me start again