Life Upon the Wicked Stage

Why do stage struck maidens clamor
 To be actin' in the drammer?
 We've heard say
 You are gay
 Night and day.
 Oh, go 'way!
 We drink water from a dipper,
 You drink champagne from a slipper.
 Tho' it seems cruel to bust
 All your dreams,
 Still I must;
 Here's the truth I tell you:
 Life upon the wicked stage
 Ain't ever what a girl supposes;
 Stage door Johnnies aren't raging
 Over you with gems and roses.
 When you let a feller hold your hand (which
 means an extra beer or sandwich),
 Ev'rybody whispers: "Ain't her life a whirl?"
 Though you're warned against a "rout"
 Ruining your reputation,
 I have played around
 The one night trade around
 A great big nation:
 Wild old men who give you jewels and sables
 Only live in Aesop's Fables.
 Life upon the wicked stage
 Ain't nothin' for a girl.
 Though we've listened to you moan and grieve, you
 Must pardon us if we do not believe you,
 There is no doubt
 You're crazy about
 Your awful stage!
 I admit it's fun
 To smear my face with paint,
 Causing ev'ryone
 To think I'm what I ain't,
 And I like to play a demi-mondy role
 With soul!
 Ask the hero does he
 Like the way I lure
 When I play a hussy
 Or a paramour,
 Yet when once the curtain's down
 My life is pure,
 And how I dread it!
 Life upon the wicked stage
 Ain't ever what a girl supposes,
 Stage door Johnnies aren't raging
 Over you with gems and roses.
 If some gentleman would talk with reason
 I would cancel all next season.
 Life upon the wicked stage
 Ain't nothin' for a girl!
 You'd be back the season after!