Cockblock

Me and this dude we're so different
 we are
 likes he's real into family and I don't care
 uh
 like he didn't even want to come here this weekend
 because he wanted to spend time with his wife
 and I feel like
 I'm better I'm better ha ha hum
 oh gosh
 alot of these are jokes
 um... it's a hot town
 have you guys ever... you hear the phrase cock blocking?
 Look at you - a couples have probabaly - you know your at a bar your talking to a girl its going really well and what happens?
 Her less attractive friend comes over and ruins everything right?
 Cock block
 Well I have to tell you something guys
 I have been the less attractive friend... and you were not cock blocked.
 I was following orders from by better looking friend that she did not want to fuck you
 They put so much energy into being mad at her but they should be thanking her for saving you money cause listen
 girls... we... we are whores
 like our friends do not hold us back
 we will travel, okay?
 we will wait
 I have taken the morning after pill the night before, do you understand what I'm saying?
 You picking up what I'm putting
 girls have two signals with our friends
 we have "I'm gonna fuck him" and "help"
 Thats it!
 Thats it!
 I personally I dont use signals Im direct, you know if a guys like
 "Can I buy you a shot" I say something clear like
 "Thank you so much but I don't want to hurt the baby"
 Uh
 I just walk away! It's sooo weird but oooh
 I make it sound like I'm so slutty... im really not
 I've only slept with 4 people
 and that was a weird night but uh heheheh
 oh God
 My friends are all whores... we are... we really are
 but i have 1 friend shes a virgin
 she acts like she so much better than everyone about it
 you know
 but shes like easily my grossest friend
 I think shes saving it for someone who will do it
 but uh but no
 this is what i do to protect my self esteem you can do it too
 I make sure that Im the prettiest of my friends... right?
 you can do it too
 and surround myself with real reptiles and monsters so I can shine... right?
 I have this 1 friend Nikki though she keeps losing weight
 I took her out of my phone.fuck her i dont need her
 like you did it to yourself
 but i have this - oh ive been friends with this girl forever
 her name is Sabina shes absolutely gorgeous
 Shes a Ford model
 shes dating one of the Nicks likes shes that pretty
 and thats one of those names - Sabina - you have to be really pretty to pull off
 you know Sabina, Precilla
 you cant have a bum knee and a lazy eye and be like
 IM SABINA!!!!!!
 like were gonna call you Bertha bitch
 uh
 if youre really hot you can be like Im Gorgonzola
 and guys would be like, yeah you are
 thats my favorite cheese... uuuugh
 guys throw themselves at her
 guys never hit on me like that ever
 they do too come up to me its always at last call right?
 they're in a full black out you know?
 just kinda stumbling like a toddler learning how to walk
 pointing at their dick like
 HEEEERE
 Hey! Heeeere
 im like... ill get us a cab but uh...
 its like so could out you know
 its so cold
 but im really im really not slutty
 I was with a guy about a month ago
 and uh we didnt have sex because we didnt have a condom
 he said no but uh
 im like whatever everyone has HPV right? so
 I do you know