Royal Heart (feat. Bryan Wagstaff)

You will never be let down by anyone
 more than you will be let down
 by the one you love most in the world
 it's how gravity works
 it's why they call it "falling"
 it's why the truth is harder to tell
 every year
 you have more to lose
 but you can choose to bury your past
 in the garden
 beside the tulips
 water it
 until it's so alive
 it lets go
 and you belong to yourself
 again
 When you belong to yourself again
 Remember forgiveness
 is not a tidy grave
 It is a ready loyal knight kneeling before your royal heart
 Call in your royal heart
 Tell it bravery cannot be measured by a lack of fear
 It takes guts to tremble
 It takes so much tremble to love
 Every first date is a fucking earth quake
 Sweetheart, on our first date
 I showed off all my therapy
 I flaunted the couch
 Where I finally sweat out my history
 Pulled out the photo album from the last time I wore a lie to the school dance
 I smiled and said "that was never my style
 Look how fixed I am
 Look how there's no more drywall on my fist
 Look at the stilts I've carved for my short temper
 Look how my wrist is not something I have to hide" I said
 Well I was hiding it
 The telephone pole still down from the storm
 By our third date I had fixed the line
 I said listen,
 I have a hard time
 I mean I cry as often as most people pee and I don't shut the door behind me
 I'll be up in your face screaming "SEATTLE IS TOO RAINY SEATTLE IS TOO RAINY
 IM NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO LIVE HERE."
 I sobbed on our fourth date
 I can't live here
 In my body, I mean
 I can't live in my body all the time it feels too much
 So if I ever feel far away know I am not gone
 I am just underneath my grief
 Adjusting the dial on my radio face so I can take this life with all of it's love and all of it's loss
 See I already know that you are the place where I am finally going to sing without any static meaning
 I'm never gonna wait
 that extra twenty minutes
 to text you back,
 and I'm never gonna play
 hard to get
 when I know your life
 has been hard enough already.
 When we all know everyone's life
 has been hard enough already
 it's hard to watch
 the game we make of love,
 like everyone's playing checkers
 with their scars,
 saying checkmate
 whenever they get out
 without a broken heart.
 Just to be clear
 I don't want to get out
 without a broken heart.
 I intend to leave this life
 so shattered
 there's gonna have to be
 a thousand separate heavens
 for all of my separate parts
 And none of those parts are going to be wearing the romance from the overpriced vintage rack
 That is to say I am not going to get a single speed bike if I can't make it up the hill
 I know exactly how many gears I'm going to need to love you well
 And none of them look hip at the hot coffee shop
 They all have God saying "good job you're finally not full of bullshit"
 You finally met someone who's going to flatten your knee caps into skipping stones
 Baby, throw me
 Throw me as far as I can go
 I don't want to leave this life without ever having come home
 And I want to come home to you
 I can figure out the rain