Arthur McBride

Oh, me and my cousin one Arthur McBride
 As we went a-walking down by the seaside
 Now mark what followed and what did betide
 For it being on Christmas morning
 Out for recreation we went on a tramp
 And we met sergeant napper and corporal vamp
 And the little wee drummer intending to camp
 For the day being pleasant and charming
 "Good morning, good morning," the sergeant did cry
 "And the same to you gentlemen," we did reply
 "Intending no harm but meant to pass by"
 "For it being on christmas morning"
 But says he, "My fine fellows if you would enlist"
 "It's ten guineas of gold I will slip in your fist"
 "And a crown in the bargain for to kick up the dust"
 "And drink the king's health in the morning"
 "For a soldier he leads a very fine life"
 "And he always is blessed with a charming young wife"
 "And he pays all his debts without sorrow and strife"
 "And always lives pleasant and charming"
 "And a soldier he always is decent and clean"
 "In the finest of clothing he is constantly seen"
 "While other poor fellows go dirty and mean"
 "And sup on thin gruel in the morning"
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 But says Arthur, "I wouldn't be proud of your clothes"
 "For you've only the lend of them as I suppose"
 "And you dare not change them one night for you know"
 "If you do you'll be flogged in the morning"
 "And although that we are single and free"
 "We take great delight in our own company"
 "And we have no desires strange faces to see"
 "Although that your offers are charming"
 "And we have no desire to take your advance"
 "All hazards and dangers we barter on chance"
 "For you would have no scruples to send us to france"
 "Where we would get shot without warning"
 "Oh now," says the sergeant, "I'll have no such chat"
 "And I neither will take it from small penal brats"
 "For if you insult me with one other word"
 "I'll cut off your heads in the morning"
 And then Arthur and I we soon drew our hods
 And we scarce gave them time for to draw their own blades
 When a trusty shillelagh came over their heads
 And bade them take that as fair warning
 And their own rusty rapiers that hung by their sides
 We flung them as far as we could in the tide
 "Now take them up devils!" cried Arthur McBride
 "And temper their edge in the morning"
 And the little wee drummer we flattened his bow
 And we made a football of his rowdy-dow-dow
 Threw it in the tide for to rock and to roll
 And bade it a tedious returning
 And we haven't no money paid them off in cracks
 And we paid no respect to their two bloody backs
 For we lathered them there like a pair of wet sacks
 And left them for dead in the morning
 And so to conclude and to finish disputes
 We obligingly asked them if they wanted recruits
 For we were the lads who would give them hard clouts
 And bid them look sharp in the morning
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 Oh, me and my cousin one Arthur McBride
 As we went a-walking down by the seaside
 Now mark what followed and what did betide
 For it being on Christmas morning