Big Country

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 Miscellaneous
 Railroad Bill And The Kitten
 Railroad Bill and the Kitten
 SOURCE: Bob Pfeffer
 SOURCE'S SOURCE: Andy Breckman
 TEXT:
 Railroad Bill was a hard livin' man
 He used to take his women two at a time
 Everyone agreed he was the baddest engineer
 That'd ever driven down the Santa Fe line
 His name was known from the folks back home
 To the tippy-top of telegraph hill
 And all the little boys, when they were sneakin' cigarettes
 They used to dream about the Railroad Bill
 [SPOKEN: Stay with me here
 One day Bill was walkin' along
 And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree
 When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder
 To set that kitty-cat free
 And Bill said, "No, ain't gonna do it
 Ain't gonna climb up no tree
 This is a stupid, stupid song and no folksinger's
 Gonna make a fool outa me."
 I said, one day Bill was walkin' along
 And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree
 When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder
 To set that kitty-cat free
 And Bill said, "No, ain't gonna do it
 Ain't gonna do what you said
 This is an asinine song. As far as I'm concerned
 That cat can stay there till it's dead."
 I said, wait a minute, Bill, you can't argue with me
 For God's sake, I just made you up
 I got the pen in my hand, I want you up in that tree
 I want that cat unstuck
 Bill said, "No, I hate cats
 Ain't gonna climb for no cat."
 He said, "Why don't you have me save some beautiful girl
 Whos's been tied down on the railroad track?"
 I said maybe there'll be room in the eighth or ninth verse
 But right now I want you up in that tree
 I'm the writer, God damn, I got the pen in my hand
 And you're supposed to listen to me
 He said, "You asshole. Why should I listen to you
 You should be listenin' to me instead."
 He said, "I'm a railroad man and if I was real
 I would separate your face from your head."
 You ungrateful brute, I cried, you push me too far
 I gotta show you I can do as I please
 So an earthquake came and it shook the whole terrain
 And it brought Railroad Bill to his knees
 And then a tidal wave broke and everything got soaked
 And Bill was almost completely washed away
 And then a big green monster from the planet Neptune
 Landed and bit Railroad Bill on the leg
 I got the pen in my hand. I can do what I want
 I'm a bright new young talent on the rise
 So get your ass up that tree or I swear you ain't
 Gonna get outa my folksong alive
 He said, "You don't scare me.
 You might be crazy but you don't scare me
 And if you don't leave me alone I'm gonna tell everybody
 Where you stole this melody."
 But before he could speak his tongue fell out
 And he could not make a sound
 Suddenly he jumped on top of me and he grabbed me by the neck
 And he pulled me to the ground
 And he hit me in the stomach, and he hit me in the face real hard
 And I think he almost broke my nose
 But just then a lightning bolt came outa nowhere, hit him right between the
 [eyes
 And killed him instantly
 [Heh, heh
 Well the cat came down from the tree
 Had a bowl of warm milk, went to sleep for the night
 Railroad Bill is survived by a wife and three small children
 Dear God, I love to write
 @outlaw @animal
 filename[ RRBILLKT
 RPf
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