Climbing Uphill

When you come home to me
 I'll wear a sweeter smile
 And hope that, for a while-
 Okay, thank you
 Thank you so much
 I'm climbing uphill, Daddy
 Climbing uphill
 I'm up every morning at six
 And standing in line
 With two hundred girls
 Who are younger and thinner than me
 Who have already been to the gym
 I'm waiting five hours in line
 And watching the girls
 Just coming and going
 In dresses that look just like this
 Till my number is finally called
 When I walk in the room
 There's a table of men
 Always men - usually gay
 Who've been sitting like I have
 And listening all day
 To two hundred girls
 Belting as high as they can! UGH!
 I am a good person
 I'm an attractive person
 I am a talented person
 Grant me Grace!
 When you come home...
 I should have told them I was sick last week
 They're gonna think this is the way I sing
 Why is the pianist playing so loud?
 Should I sing louder?
 I'll sing louder
 Maybe I should stop and start over
 I'm gonna stop and start over
 Why is the director staring at his crotch?
 Why is that man staring at my resume?
 Don't stare at my resume
 I made up half of my resume
 Look at me
 Stop looking at that, look at me
 No, not at my shoes
 Don't look at my shoes
 I hate these f**king shoes
 Why did I pick these shoes?
 Why did I pick this song?
 Why did I pick this career?
 Whyyyyy does this pianist hate me?
 If I don't get a callback
 I can go to Crate and Barrel with mom to buy a couch
 Not that I want to spend a day with mom
 But Jamie needs space to write
 Since I'm obviously such a horrible, annoying distraction to him
 What's he gonna be like when we have kids?
 And once again...
 Why am I working so hard?
 These are the people who cast Linda Blair in a musical
 Jesus Christ, I suck, I suck, I suck
 When finally you come home to...
 Okay, thank you
 Thank you so much
 I will not be the girl stuck at home in the 'burbs
 With the baby, the dog, and the garden of herbs
 I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes
 Pushing burgers and beer nuts and missing the clues
 I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels
 To be trotting along at the genius's heels
 I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by
 And I...
 Okay stop, Kathy stop
 Can we have two minutes
 Where you don't contradict everything I say
 Then it's your turn
 You can talk