Overture/they're Either Too Young Or Too Old

You marched away and left this town as empty as can be
 And I'm like the driftwood in a deadly calm at sea
 I can't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me
 For there is no secret lover that the draft board didn't discover
 They're either too young or too old
 They're either too gray or too grassy green
 The pickings are poor and the crop is lean
 What's good is in the army
 What's left will never harm me
 They're either too old or too young
 So, darling, you'll never get stung
 Tomorrow I'll go hiking with that Eagle Scout unless
 I get a call from grandpa for a snappy game of chess
 I'm finding it easy to stay good as gold
 They're either too young or too old
 They're either too warm or too cold
 They're either too fast or too fast asleep
 So, darling, believe me, I'm yours to keep
 There isn't any gravy, the graviest's in the navy
 They're either too fresh or too stale
 There is no available mail
 I will confess to one romance, I'm sure you will allow
 He tried to serenade me, but his voice is changing now
 They're either too bald or too bold
 I'm down to the wheelchair and bassinet
 My heart just refuses to get upset
 I simply can't compel it to
 With no Marine to tell it to
 I'm either their first breath of spring
 Or else, I'm their last little fling
 I either get a fossil or an adolescent pup
 I either have to hold him off
 Or have to hold him up
 The battle is on, but the fortress will hold
 They're either too young or too old
 I'll never, never fail ya
 When you are in Australia
 Or out in the Aleutians
 Or off among the Rooshians
 And flying over Egypt
 Your heart will never be gypped
 And when you get to India
 I'll still be what I've been to ya
 I've looked the field over
 And lo and behold
 They're either too young or too old