Opening Ceremony

I've a duty as the referee
 At the start of the match
 On behalf of all our sponsors
 I must welcome you
 Which I do -- there's a catch
 I don't care if you're a champion
 No one messes with me
 I am ruthless in upholding
 What I know is right
 Black or white -- as you'll see
 I'm on the case
 Can't be fooled
 Any objection
 Is overruled
 Yes I'm the Arbiter and I know best
 He's impartial, don't push him, he's unimpressed
 You got your tricks
 Good for you
 But there's no gambit I don't see through
 Oh I'm the Arbiter I know the score
 From square one he'll be watching all 64
 If you're thinking of the kind of thing
 That we've seen in the past
 Chanting gurus, walkie-talkies,
 Walkouts, hypnotists,
 Tempers, fists -- not so fast
 This is not the start of World War Three
 No political ploys
 I think both your constitutions are terrific so
 Now you know -- be good boys
 I'm on the case
 Can't be fooled
 Any objection
 Is overruled
 Yes I'm the Arbiter and I know best
 He's impartial, don't push him, he's unimpressed
 You got your tricks
 Good for you
 But there's no gambit I don't see through
 Oh I'm the Arbiter I know the score
 From square one he'll be watching all 64
 Yes I'm the Arbiter I know the score
 From square one he's watching all 64
 No one can deny that these are difficult times...
 No one can deny that these are difficult times...
 No one can deny that these are difficult times...
 It's the U.S. versus U.S.S.R.
 Yet we more or less are --
 No one can deny that these are difficult times...
 -- to our credit putting all that aside
 We have swallowed our pride
 These are dangerous and difficult times...
 It really doesn't matter who comes out on top, who gets the chop
 No one's way of life is threatened by a flop --
 But we're gonna smash their bastard
 Make him wanna change his name
 Take him to the cleaners and devastate him
 Wipe him out, humiliate him
 We don't want the whole world saying
 They can't even win a game
 We have never reckoned
 On coming second
 There's no use in losing
 It's the U.S. versus U.S.S.R.
 Yet we more or less are --
 No one can deny that these are difficult times
 -- to our credit putting all that aside
 We have swallowed our pride
 These are very difficult and dangerous times...
 The value of events like this need not be stressed
 When East and West
 Can meet as comrades, ease the tension over drinks
 Through sporting links
 As long as their man sinks
 Whether you are pro or anti
 Or could not care less
 We are here to tell you
 We are here to sell you chess
 Not a chance of you escaping from our wiles
 We've locked the doors, we've blocked the aisles
 We've a franchise worth exploiting
 And we will -- yes we will!
 When it comes to merchandising
 We could kill
 When you get up --
 When you get up in the morning
 Till you crash at night
 You will have to live your life
 With bishop, rook and knight
 Clean your teeth with chequered toothpaste
 Wear our vests
 Our kings and queens on bouncing breasts
 You could even buy a set
 And learn to play
 We don't mind we'll sell you something
 Anyway
 We've done all our market research
 And our findings show
 That this game of chess could be around
 A month or so
 Maybe it's a bit confusing
 For a game
 But Rubik's Cubes were much the same
 In the end the whole world bought one
 All were gone
 By which time we merchandisers
 Had moved on
 By which time we had moved on!
 I'm on the case, can't be fooled
 Any objection is overruled
 Don't try to tempt me -- you've no hope
 I don't like women, I don't take dope
 I'm the Arbiter I know the score
 From square one he'll be watching all 64
 You got your tricks -- good for you
 But there is no gambit I don't see through
 I'm the Arbiter and I know best
 e's impartial don't push him he's unimpressed
 I'm the Arbiter my word is law
 From square one he'll be watching you...
 Don't you find it rather touching to behold
 The game that came in from the cold
 Seen for what it is -- religion plus finesse
 Countries, classes, creeds, as one in
 Love of chess