Val Kilmer

I always thought my movie would be a comedy
 Not quite the tragedy that it's become
 More slapstick than chick-flick
 More 'Caddyshack' than 'Breakfast At Tiffany's'
 So, thank me at the podium
 For a lifetime of contribution
 Turn on the cameras, someone cue the extras
 Hair and makeup, to the set
 Because the big screen's calling
 Final casting call
 It's your big shot, baby
 You're the next big star
 Of another stupid movie
 'Bout a guy with a broken heart
 Who's falling apart
 You're headed for the cutting room floor
 (Headed for the cutting room floor)
 And in the sequel, honey
 I'm the guy who gets the girl
 So if you miss my movie, get the DVD
 Check out the chemistry between you and me
 Less 'Raising Arizona'
 More 'Steel Magnolias'
 So when you walk down that red carpet
 I hope you trip and fall
 I hope someone squirts you with a water gun
 A super soaker filled with pee
 Because the big screen's calling
 Final casting call
 It's your big shot, baby
 You're the next big star
 Of another stupid movie
 'Bout a guy with a broken heart
 Who's falling apart
 You're headed for the cutting room floor
 (Headed for the cutting room floor)
 And in the sequel, honey
 I'm the guy who gets the girl
 All apologies to Kevin Costner
 And that chick from 'Monster'
 Give me Adam Sandler, Will Ferrell
 Belushi and even Val Kilmer
 He was funny in 'Real Genius'
 What about 'Top Gun'?
 No, 'Top Gun' wasn't funny, whatever
 'Top Secret' was funny too
 But he sucked as Batman
 Because the big screen's calling
 Final casting call
 It's your big shot, baby
 You're the next big star
 Of another dumb movie
 'Bout a guy with a broken heart
 I'm falling apart
 Steven Spielberg's calling
 And he's sending a car
 It's your big shot, baby
 You're the next big star
 Of another stupid movie
 'Bout a guy with a broken heart
 Who's falling apart
 You're headed for the cutting room floor
 (Headed for the cutting room floor)
 And in the sequel, honey
 I'm the guy who gets the girl
 Who gets the girl
 I'm the guy that gets the girl
 (Adam Sandler, Will Ferrel, Belushi and Akroid)
 Who gets the girl
 (Chris Farley, Bill Murray in Stripes)
 I'm the guy that gets the girl
 (Eddie Murphy 'til 90, Chris Rock and John Candy)
 Who gets the girl
 (The cast of Hollywood Knights)
 I'm the guy that gets the girl
 (Mike Myers, Jim Carry and the Farelly Brothers)
 Who gets the girl
 (Are more my style)
 I'm the guy that gets the girl
 (Terms Of Endearment, I didn't get it)
 Who gets the girl
 (I'd much rather shut up and smile)
 I'm the guy that gets the girl
 (Adam Sandler, Will Ferrel, Belushi and Akroid)
 Who gets the girl
 (Chris Farley, Bill Murray in Stripes)
 I'm the guy that gets the girl
 (Eddie Murphy 'til 90, Chris Rock and John Candy)
 Who gets the girl
 (The cast of Hollywood Knights)
 I'm the guy that gets the girl