Old Dun Cow (MacIntyre!)

Some friends and I in a public house
 Were playing a game of chance one night,
 When into the pub a fireman ran
 His face all a chalky white.
 "What's up", says Brown, "Have you seen a ghost,
 Have you seen your Aunt Mariah? "
 "Me Aunt Mariah be buggered if your eyes can't see!"
 "The bleedin' pub's on fire!"
 :
 And there was Brown upside down
 Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
 "Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
 As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
 Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
 Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
 And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
 When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
 "Oh well," says Brown, "What a bit of luck.
 Everybody follow me!
 It's down to the cellar
 If the fire's not there
 Then we'll have a grand old spree. "
 So we went down with good old Brown
 The booze we could not miss
 And we hadn't been there ten minutes or more
 Till we were quite pissed!
 And there was Brown upside down
 Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
 "Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
 As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
 Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
 Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
 And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
 When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
 Then Smith walked over to the port wine tub
 Gave it a few hard knocks (clap clap)
 Starts takin' off his pantaloons
 Likewise his shoes and socks.
 "Oh NO!" says Brown, "You can't do that,
 Ya shouldn't do that 'round here.
 Don't go washin' trousers in the port wine tub
 When we got Guinness beer. "
 And there was Brown upside down
 Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
 "Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
 As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
 Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
 Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
 And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
 When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
 Then there came from the old back door
 The Vicar of the local church.
 And when he saw our drunken ways,
 He began to scream and curse.
 "Ah, you drunken sods! You heathen clods!
 You've taken to a drunken spree!
 You drank up all the Benedictine wine
 And you didn't save a drop for me! "
 And there was Brown upside down
 Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
 "Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
 As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
 Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
 Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
 And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
 When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
 Then there came a mighty crash
 Half the bloody roof caved in.
 We all got drowned in the firemen's hose
 Though we were almost happy.
 So we grabbed some tacks and some old wet sacks
 And we nailed ourselves inside
 And we sat drinking the finest rum
 'til we were bleary-eyed.
 And there was Brown upside down
 Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
 "Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
 As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
 Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
 Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
 And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
 When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
 Later that night, when the fire was out
 We came up from the cellar below.
 Our pub was burned. Our booze was drunk.
 Our heads was hanging low.
 "Oh look", says Brown with a look quite queer.
 Seems something raised his ire.
 "Now we gotta get down to Murphy's Pub,
 It closes on the hour! "
 And there was Brown upside down
 Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
 "Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
 As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
 Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
 Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
 And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
 When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
 And there was Brown upside down
 Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
 "Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
 As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
 Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
 Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
 And we all got blue-blind paralytic pissed
 When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.