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Hey everybody welcome out tonight
 hope you're having a good time out there
 Don't forget the waitresses and a coming up next
 we got Sheena on the main stage
 Athena on the disco
 And don't forget we got
 :(chorus) Take it off baby
 : Those recliner dancers in the back
 : Stick around and get those dollar bills out guys and tip tip tip
 Take it off baby
 Take it off baby
 Well here's how this whole mess got started
 Had a stripper at a bachelor party
 I knew when she jumped out of that cake
 We were meant to be
 The next date we both flew off to Vegas
 I must have been an ignoramus
 I honestly believed that she
 Loved me just for me
 Oh... wasn't six months it came to an end
 I walked out of the courtroom crying
 She left with a grin
 Cause she got half
 And I said "OW!"
 I mean dang
 That comes to nearly fifty thou
 Per date
 My butt had never been so chafed
 Cause she got half
 I wondered if I'd remain lonely
 Or would I find my one and only
 Then the answer to my prayers
 Appeared on my TV
 (Call me now)
 The cutest little tarot card reader
 I knew that I just had to meet her
 Then she said it was in the cards
 For her to marry me
 Oh... wasn't three months later I was in court again
 No way she could have predicted
 The way it would end
 Cause I got half
 And she said "OW!"
 Two dollars a minute
 So everyone call right now
 Your
 Future awaits
 And I will be the next Bill Gates
 Cause I get half
 Sometimes you're better off as friends
 Cause if it ever ends
 Then they get half
 And you'll say "OW"
 So I'm not looking to get married right now
 I've
 Got a date
 With a beautiful Playboy Playmate
 Who won't get half
 No she won't get half