Merry Christmas From The Whole Fam Damily

Cledus T. Judd/Chris Clark, Cledus Crap Anthems (SESAC)/Of Music, Inc. (SESAC)
 Twas the fight before Christmas
 When all through the house
 No furniture left standing, no TV or couch
 Our aquarium, heck they even knocked over my Chia Pet
 MeMaw was flung 'cross the room by her hair
 By her sister Ethel who never fought fair
 LET'S GET READY TO TUMBLE!
 The children all wrestled and jumped off the beds
 Dropping elbows and knees on each other's heads
 And MaMaw wth her frying pan and Pa with his bat
 Cleared half the room in ten seconds flat
 The whole brawl began from an innocent matter
 When Aunt Flo thought Eugene said "She looks a whole lot fatter"
 She knocked him through the window he fell with a crash
 Tore down the gutters and busted his LEG REALLY BAD
 You ought to have saw it
 It looked like he'd been in a motorcycle wreck
 No Kiddin
 Yeah awful I couldn't turn to look at it
 You see both sides of our family have never gotten along
 And every holiday something always go wrong
 You ain't supposed to fight but spread joy in this season
 But when they get the nog they just look for a reason
 In no time at all everybody joined in
 And right there we squared off with our closest of kin
 It's a time for givin said Uncle Bill
 As he gave a black eye to his brother-in-law Phil
 I heard somebody say "It's the thought that counts
 And right now I'm thinking about knocking your butt out"
 Presents and fists flew all over the room
 And NaNa had some fancy moves with the broom
 She took out three cousins and knocked down the tree
 And I ducked just in time she swung out at me
 It's my favorite time of year
 Dad always has too much beer
 Gets on the roof and hunts reindeer
 Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily
 Tie the antlers on the dog
 Save some shine for Santa Claus
 From all the in-laws and outlaws
 Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily
 I crawled to the phone Lord it seemed like a mile
 And called 9-1-1 which we keep on speed dial
 In a matter of minutes out the window appeared
 Flashing blue lights and the Sherrif John Deere
 Just then six men burst through the door
 Some yelling "HEY IT'S US" Some "GET ON THE FLOOR"
 A stray punch from Grandpa found the sherrif's chin
 And just for good measure he clocked him again
 It took all 6 cops to get Grandpa in cuffs
 You know he gets feisty when he runs out of snuff
 We all stopped our fighting and cheered Grandpa on
 Heck I thought he could take them I guess I was wrong
 As they dragged him outside he yelled "I'VE BEEN FRAMED"
 He was kicking and screaming and calling them names
 "You (bleep) You (bleep)
 Let me go you (bleep)
 You donut eatin stupid (bleep) son of a (bleep)"
 We stood on the porch as did all our neighbras
 Who always took interest in our family's behavior
 "Mind your own business" we heard Grandma shout
 And "We'll take back the presents and then come bail you out"
 By now we'd forgotten what we were fighting for
 We were battered and bruised but united once more
 Then we all joined hands and sang "Violent Night"
 Violent Night
 And we heard Grandpa exclaim as they drove off out of sight:
 "Merry Christmas to all... MAN that was a good fight!"
 Deck your neighbor deck the halls
 Tis the season for a brawl
 From all of us to all of y'all
 Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily
 Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily
 Merry Christmas from the whole fam damily