Florence Falls

Your ears would prick, your tail flick
 As my key went in the door
 I'd call your name, you'd start to growl
 And move menacingly across the floor
 And as you'd thundered down the stairs
 Snarling angrily
 I'd wonder why I liked you so much
 And you always hated me
 In the summer we'd go walking to the beach or to the park
 You wouldn't like the route I took
 So you'd refuse to walk and bark
 In the winter you'd curl up by the fire at home
 I'd go off to get your chew-chew
 And then you'd eat my mobile phone
 The first time that you nipped me
 People said you were just young
 And the second time it was the heat
 And the third you were only having fun (ha ha ha ha ha)
 And the fourth time I actually needed Tetnus
 And you got neutered at the vet
 She said that it would calm you down
 And then you bit me on the leg
 I remember one time at Christmas
 When you opened all the stuff
 I put you out into the garden
 And you were frurious
 You cried so much at this great injustice
 I had to let you back in
 And then you were good for an hour
 Then you licked the turkey
 Now the post remains uneaten
 And the bin just stays standing up
 Noone barks at aeroplanes
 Or occansionly shits in my bed
 Oh, Florence, there was nothing good about you
 I can't think of anything
 But I wish that you were still at home
 Hateing me again
 You were a rubbish dog
 But a rubbish dog is better
 Than no dog