Saboteurs

One year we flew up to Alaska
 All the scenery was gorgeous
 And the people all so pleasant what a place
 Might have been our one chance
 To experience it first hand
 All the culture and the beauty of the state
 But when we arrived
 I couldn't bring myself to leave the car
 Stayed locked away with my guitar
 And while the others
 Studied the mountains and the rivers
 I just stared down at my fretboard, pad and pen
 Lately I've been struggling to conjure up
 A band aid for this problem
 That has freshly manifested in my brain
 It seems as though I've grown a light switch
 Deep within the recess of my psyche
 One if flipped renders me borderline insane
 It's like ten seconds ago
 Everything was fine and dandy
 But now everything is fucked
 And there ain't no rhyme or reason for my seething
 I just wanna be okay but I feel stuck
 ♪
 I don't get to see the family often
 Always on road
 So one year we organized a trip
 We'd take to Lake Tahoe
 A place we'd been when I was younger
 All the memories are golden
 But when we arrived
 I found myself down at the bar
 Black out drunk and seeing stars
 While my loved ones
 All played board games by the fire
 I did drink myself within an inch of death
 I'm no stranger to mistakes
 It feels like every step I take
 I trip myself up can't get out of my own way
 I'm by far my harshest critic and a cynic
 Too neurotic to accept that sometimes
 Shit is just okay
 There's always gotta be
 Some problem I alone must solve
 But that just ain't the case at all
 Cause I got friends and family
 But my worst enemy is me
 And me just can't escape my head
 Cause I was born to sabotage myself
 Well that's on me and no one else
 I'm a human grenade
 And I'm good at pullin' my own pin
 You can blame it on my mental health
 Addictions, stress and anything else
 All it boils down to
 Is I'm an asshole
 With a loud mouth
 And a system of support I don't deserve