Dubb's Talking Religion Blues

I was standing on a Des Moines corner one day
 When this fella said, "You know what Jesus had to say?"
 I said, "I'm not sure which Jesus you talking about."
 He said, "I'm talking about the one that saved my life."
 I said, "You can't mean the Gardner of my ex wife?"
 He said, "No, I'm talking 'bout, the only route."
 I said, "Look here, what you say?"
 He said, "I'm talking 'bout the light and the only way
 To save your soul from hell and eternal dam-a-nation."
 "Are you tellin' me if I don't believe the way you believe
 That hell is the final resting place for me?"
 He said, "Yeah." I said,
 "I didn't realize I was in that bad of a situation!"
 He said, "Have you read the bible?" I said, "Not all the way through."
 He said, "That's something you oughta' do
 'Cause every word is truth and proven fact."
 I said,"You take the bible literally?
 He thought for a moment, and said, "I do really."
 I said, "Well I got a problem concerning that."
 "Now you take the book Leviticus
 Don't you think that some of those things in there are ridiculous?
 Like you can stone your kid if he talks back to you
 And if your sideburns get too long
 They can whup on you 'cause they know that's wrong
 You gonna' tell me those are Christian like things to do?
 Now how about Jonah and the whale?
 How can you go in the mouth and not come out the tail?
 That right there has always puzzled me."
 He said, "Well you don't need to be puzzled no more
 It was a miracle that brought Jonah to the shore
 The whale spit him out and sailed on out to sea."
 I said, "What you think about evolution?"
 He said, "You're talking 'bout the evil solution
 We all come from the garden of eden and it's sacred soil."
 "Well how you explain carbon dating?"
 "That's scientific heathen mis-information
 God worked six days and on the seventh day rested from his toil."
 "How you know God's a man?
 Could be a woman you understand
 Or a combination of both, what do you think of that?"
 He laughed and said, "That could never be
 God's a he and not a she
 It's written in the Bible and everybody knows that's fact."
 "Well I've heard that Bible's been changed
 Because when you translate words sometimes the meanings ain't the same
 In fact they even left some of those chapters out
 And nefarious leaders doing dastardly deeds
 So what could be maybe ain't what it seems
 Don't you think to a thinking mind
 that's got to raise a little doubt?"
 He said,"My friend you question wrong
 'Cause I'm just here to take you home
 And brother, I just want to save your soul."
 "We became brothers and friends real fast
 Like two ex wives coming together to kick my...
 I believe its time for this boy to be told."
 You preach and you can proselytize
 Tell me how to live my life
 And it's all done in your God's name
 Now me and God we doing alright
 By the Golden Rule I try to live my life
 But zealots like you don't feel the same
 Most Christians I know ain't like you
 They believe in Jesus and his teachings too
 But their words heal rather than inflame
 So somebody get my BB Gun
 I'm gonna shoot this boy in the bum
 Because if I shot him in the head, I'd miss his brain
 "You speak softly but your message is hard
 Saying your way is the only way to God
 But I'm here to tell you I don't agree
 If we're all children of God, we're all brothers
 How can just your chosen go to heaven and not the others?
 That kind of thinking just don't sit right with me
 What about the native Americans walked here first
 Saw God in the sky, the rivers and the earth
 You gonna tell me they ain't goin' to heaven?
 He said, "Nope, they shall be denied
 Because they did not know of the one crucified."
 "That makes as much sense to me as two and two is seven."
 "I think Jesus was a great prophet, one of the few
 Come here to speak a simple truth
 Like respecting others and living by the golden rule
 But you don't respect my right to believe
 The way I hear God speaks to me
 So the way I see it, there ain't much Christian in what you do
 Well this is the end of you and me, 'cause right now I'm gonna' leave
 Because conversating with you ain't nothing but flawed
 But there's one thing I want you to know
 And I'll tell you before I go
 I believe an honest prayer will find the ear of God."