Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo

We've all heard of Rudolph and his shiny nose
 And we all know Frosty, who's made out of snow
 But all of those stories seem kind of gay
 'Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday
 Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
 Small and brown, he comes from you
 Sit on the toilet, here he comes
 Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns
 A present from down below
 Spreading joy with a "Howdy-Ho!"
 He's seen the love inside of you
 'Cause he's a piece of poo
 Sometimes he's nutty, sometimes he's corny
 He can be brown or greenish brown (mhmm)
 But if you eat fiber on Christmas Eve
 He might come to your town
 Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
 He loves me, I love you
 Therefore, vicariously he loves you
 I can make a Mr. Hankey too
 Well, Kyle, where is he?
 Eeh, he's coming
 Come on, dude, push!
 Eeh, I'm trying
 Wait, wait, I can see his head
 Here he comes
 Howdy Ho!
 I'm Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
 Season's Greetings to all of you
 Let's sing songs and dance and play
 Now, before I melt away
 Here's a game I like to play
 Stick me in your mouth and try to say
 Howdy ho-ho, yum-yum-yum
 Christmas time has come
 Sometimes he's runny, sometimes he's firm
 Sometimes he's practically water
 Sometimes he hangs off the end of your ass
 And won't fall in the toilet, 'cause he's just clinging to your sphincter
 And he won't drop off and so you shake your ass around
 And try to get it to drop in the toilet, and finally it does
 Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
 Christmas leaves, he must leave too
 Flush him down, but he's never gone
 His smell and his spirit linger on
 Howdy Ho!