I'm Not Edward Cullen

The hidden moon is rising over Forks, Washington
 And suddenly you shy away from my body's warmth
 My muscles are hard as I can make 'em
 But that's not enough for you
 You want me to be cold and hard
 Like a moving marble statue
 The only thing that you think you need
 Is the one thing that I can never be
 You don't love me cause I'm not Edward Cullen
 I can wear sparkly make-up and act all brave and sullen
 But you can't help but realize these are golden contacts in my eyes
 So you think you can't be the one and only girl for me
 Only one man can protect me from harm
 Plus a hundred years of investment made him richer than God
 For a century he saved his virginity for me
 But I know all about that girl you scored with in 2003
 He's the only man that I can't resist
 And you can't convince me he does not exist
 I can't love you cause you're not Edward Cullen
 You can wear sparkly make-up and act all brave and sullen
 But I can't help but realise these are golden contacts in your eyes
 So you can never be the one and only boy for me
 It's so superficial that you love his fancy cars
 But Edward Cullen also never ever has to fart
 I hope some day his child will rip its way out of your womb
 Give up now and we can still be friends
 I'll never fall in love with you