It's Too Hot

My eyes snap open,
 It's two o'clock.
 I rip off my shirt,
 My pants, my socks.
 Something's wrong,
 But I don't know what.
 But then I start to realize,
 There's sweat trickling
 Down my thighs.
 And a fire between
 The mattress and my butt.
 It's too hot,
 It's too hot in here.
 I'm gonna fall out of my chair
 If I have another ice cold beer.
 I forgot how much it sucks
 To sweat in bed.
 I don't wanna drink your iced tea,
 I think I'll take a bath in it
 Instead.
 It's too hot!
 Laying on the floor
 With my clothes off.
 Silk boxer shorts
 And a wash cloth
 Are the only things I'll let
 Touch my skin today.
 Spraying myself with an
 Upside down air can.
 Making out with the window fan,
 Hoping the mailman
 Doesn't look in today.
 It's too hot,
 It's too hot in this town.
 My will to live is melting
 And that's what's got me down.
 It's too hot
 And my state is on fire.
 I'm an endothermic organism
 And that's why I perspire
 When it's too hot.
 The United Nations says
 Eleven thousand
 People die of hotness each year.
 But the burning sun,
 It wants eleven thousand and one
 But it's not gonna get me ya hear!
 Sweatin' in my basement,
 All alone.
 Watching Hotness Prevails
 By thewinekone.
 Sympathizing with
 My favorite YouTube star.
 How could anyone be
 So deranged to not
 Believe in climate change
 When it's 102 in Montana
 In the dark?
 It's too hot
 And I'm doing a funny dance
 'Cause I went and got some ice cubes
 And I put them in my pants!
 It's too hot,
 It's too hot in here!
 I'm probably gonna pass out,
 But please pass me my beer.
 It's too hot!